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Thursday, February 21, 2008
Is SHARON OSBOURNE The Worst Person In The World?
Very possibly.

That's her, what an effed~up face she's got.

Her stint on the BRIT AWARDS earlier tonight certainly did nothing for the "She Is, At Best, Competent" Campaign. Still, it wasn't all her fault but right from the get~go she was so bad that I sighed audibly. Yeah, that's right; I sighed. If you had never heard of her (or seen) before then you would probably have thought that it was her first attempt at presenting with her constant laughter and effing up introductions. Sadly, Shaz, we don't all think that mistakes are funny. And lusting after every man (gay or straight) is a poor attempt at wit. I would also add that her family were in no way any help. Why were these out~of~date a~holes presenting? I would accept it if it was 5 or 6 years ago when people (well, idiots) thought they were 'edgy' but now? Come on.

The Class of 2000, no help.

Anyway, the rest was just as bad. I used to adore VIC REEVES but his appearance tonight just emphasised my disdain for him. An absolute wreck of a man. Again, shambolic antics are not a substitute for wit. Any other 'wrecks' there? Of course there effin' was and it came in the form of the oft-mentioned AMY "Another Album? Don't Count On It." WINEHOUSE. She appeared briefly with MARK "Can I Have, Like, Guitars That Are Double?" RONSON - after a shabby performance from DANIEL "Scruffy Bastid" MERRIWEATHER and a dismal vocal from ADELE - to do a couple of verses or so from "Valerie". When she came on, from the dazzle of the brilliantly white light, the 'ole WINELIST actually looked good with a nice little outfit. Ruefully, that's where my positive comments about her end. Did she forget the tune? Or was she jazzing it up? She certainly had no clue about the words. And that dance? What the flippin' eff! She looked like your 8 year~old cousin who was touched inappropriately by the local minister waiting to go to the toilet in a brothel. Her second performance was even more regrettable with the ghost~of~a~talent hitching up her skirt so much that I wondered if she was trying to outdo fellow train~wreck, BRITNEY SPEARS. Again the melody and words seemed to be up for auction. I was expecting RANDY to raise his hand, stop the band and say, "Dawg, that was pitchy."

"My Singer Went To Rehab And All I Got Was This Lousy F**k~knuckle"

Musically, the rest of the performances were also, technically, incredibly poor. MIKA kicked off the proceedings but it paled in comparison to last year's excellent opening by the SCISSOR SISTERS. He was joined by BETH "Apparently She Fancies Davey T; Get In Line Bee-Atch!" DITTO as her song was shoe~horned into one of his efforts. You'd think she would know how to sing her own song. Well, you'd be wrong. So very wrong. Add to that list RIHANNA who quacked her way through "Umbrella" alongside the KLAXONS. Both collaborations were interesting ideas but terribly realised.

NIce idea, shame you didn't rehearse it. Oh, you did? Erm,...

Relief came in the form of DAVEY T who presented an award to KYLIE; that was a nice moment. The WHO references didn't stop there as the aforementioned harridan, SHAZZA O, has appeared in an episode and the announcer for the evening was TOM "I Heart Peter Davison" BAKER. And to finish the 'event' PAUL "Shouldn't There Be a 'Sir' There?" MCARTNEY did provide some joy with his thankfully short acceptance speech alongside his annoyingly short three~song set. Stout work Macca. I lurve that guy.

I Just Can't Get You Out Of My Pants.

'Til the next time,

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posted by Cameron McEwan at 12:29 am -
  • At 4:00 pm, Blogger Misssy M said…

    It was just so bloody awful wasn't it? Why they didn't get Russel Brand to do it again this year, I'll never know. He was all that was good about it last year.

    And for gawd's sake why do they give people presenting awards drink before going on stage? Reeves was bad, but Sharon's reaction to him was shockingly unprofessional- did she not realise her Mike was still on? Does she not realise that she's not EVERYBODY's Mum?

    And WHY is it so difficult in this day and age where live telly's been going on for the past 75 years, to get this particular live show right? Is EVERYBODY pissed, even the autocue operator?

  • At 11:40 pm, Blogger Cameron McEwan said…

    You know I'm glad you agree 'cos all I've heard on the radio today was how good it was!

    Specifically, they referred to WINELIST being 'awesome'. Drop the 'some' and replace it with 'ful' and they're getting there.

    I dunno what was going on with SHAZZA O and Reeves but apparently he didn't like it. Serves him right.

    Serves us all right. Don't we remember 1988?

    But I am as perplexed as you are as to just how bad a production this truly was. Last year's was good; with 'ole Russ - who is in America which may explain why he ain't doing it, either that or they didn't ask him - and good performances. And why did The Osbournes have to sit behind the presenters all night?

    Another thing that gets me is that all the people involved (guests, presenters, nominees) are all in the flippin' entertainment industry! And they still eff it up!
    The other week it was the BAFTAs embarrassing us all, this week it was the BRITS. Thankfully the UK award season is at an end.

    Roll on the OSCARS on Sunday which may, or may not, see me do a 'live' blog!

  • At 1:18 am, Anonymous Whelks said…

    I'm afraid I stopped watching the Brits years ago. Shame on me. I well remember the slow-mo car crash that was Sam'n'Mick (and of course their efforts continue to be trotted out on "Worst Ever" clip shows, every year.....).

    I do remember paticularly enjoying the year after Fleetwood'n'Fox (by way of variation), when the event was hosted by Cathy McGowan. My only discomfort arises from the vague recollection that Jonathan King was involved in the production.....err.....

    Sharon Osborne just looks frightening (or at least she does in your first photo) - a bit like the infamous "Bride of Wildenstein".

    Sighhhh - I'm supposed to be trying to complete an essay on A Midsummer Night's Dream and instead I'm blabbering on about plastic surgery gone wrong.

  • At 9:14 am, Blogger Cameron McEwan said…

    Until last year the '88 Classic was also the last time I had watched the Brits.

    Cathy McGowan?
    Don't remember that one but JONATHAN "The Guv'nor" KING was heavily involved in a lot of the Eighties Brits. Also, in the 1987 awards I recall the DJ GARY "Where Am I Now?" DAVIES giving a speech where he decried those who taped songs off the radio. I didn't understand at the time what the problem was. Now I know. It's just as well I can't get songs for free anymore... [coughs]

    Sharon Osbourne does look a bit like the "Bride of Wildenstein" or "Catwoman" as some of us know her.

    We did A Midsummer Night's Dream (oddly I kept calling it 'A Midsummer's Night Dream' - which got quite embarrassing) in the Shakespeare course last year. Yet another high-larious 'comedy' where people are slightly different, don't recognise friends but ends with hetero-sexual union. If you're looking for some excellent analysis, check out Mikhail Bakhtin and his theories on the 'Carnival'. Very pertinent to that play. I used it on Taming Of The Shrew to great acclaim, ah thank you!

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