According to him, the modern man (of which he is the very essence)
definitely shaves his balls. I didn't realise ball~shaving
had become so popular. I wonder if RAEF
does it too? Anyway, a bit of anti~climax
if all truth be told (which it is)
. As I stated last week, these humpties
had no right being in the final four and I have great issues with their abilities (or lack of)
in speech. Be it in a one~on~one
situation or in a corporate environment.
Helene in no trouser shock!Oddly
, the episode started with the a~holes
, sorry I mean 'finalists', going out for a meal with SR'AL
. It was quite obvious that ALEX
doesn't get out much as he sees a fillet steak in a fancy restaurant as the dizzying heights that life can offer. Just after that we treated to him expounding on his youth again and revealed he has a 'full package'. Enough
of the balls already! Then, getting in on the act, CLAIRE
says 'balls'. The only one left out in the "Let's See If We Can Get A Testicle Reference In"
Game was ballsy Northener HELENE
. But she went one further, wanting to call the men's perfume GIRTH
. Or, as she pronounced it, Geuth
GIRTH (not pictured): When Length Isn't Enough.
And so to the task itself. A task that was woefully
underrepresented in the programme. Some of the losers, sorry I mean, 'ex~contestants', were brought back but we saw little of what they actually
did. In fact, we saw little of any
of the organisation that went on to make their events happen. Where
did the 'straplines' come from? Whose
idea was it to have glowsticks? And
the martial arts guys?? All these appeared from nowhere. The show was based too much on the four finalists rather than the tasks at hand. We did not see how they worked as teams, really, at all.
Apparently, ABBA started out much the same way.
When we were treated to the goings on the gang didn't disappoint (unless you were looking for serious business people)
. Note LEE
and his direction of his ad and publicity. To get the girl into the right frame of mind he offered, "You want to take him to that next place. Your eyes are pushing forward. You've wanted him for months and now you've got him because of the fragrance."
you may have spotted a few gaffs there. Firstly, what is that next place
? Secondly, your eyes are pushing forward
? You mean like Helene
? And lastly, the girl gets a guy because of the smell he
is wearing? If she
desires him (and wanted him for months apparently)
, then surely she
wears the perfume?
Sticking with the bullying liar, sorry I mean 'Lee'
, he made some odd choices in his speech to the parfumers. When choosing a name for your representative of your target demographic, why choose a name you cannot pronounce? Ryan? You idiot!
This guy Ryan is a "sales professional"
. Reader, is 'Sales' an Olympic sport now? Are people doing it as amateurs
? It doesn't stop there, by the time he delivered his pitch Ryan
- who looks like a man, feels like a man and now wants to smell like one (doesn't he already? I know I do)
- had become a "cheeky chap"
metrosexual trends were dead
, just as I was about to get my balls shaved!
The Rottweiler & The Fluffer
I'll leave Lee (who worked his tits off remember, and I'll say he looks all the better for it)
for the moment and pick up on something Claire
said. Describing Mr McQueen
she commented, "He's fluffing."
Can you imagine my shock when we then saw Lee
simply walking back and forth in a car park mispronouncing words? That's not
what a fluffer
does! In her pitch she stated that "Gambling is important"
- maybe to LADBROKES
sweetie but not
me - and casinos are "glamourous"
, and you're about to get some insight into my actual
life here, I used to be a croupier in a casino some years ago and I can assure you that it is anything
other than "glamourous" in those establishments. This is not Monte Carlo
. Do some research!
Tale as old as time..
, sorry I mean NICK
, was there to offer up some advice: "Roulette equals Gambling equals Debt equals Misery."
Powerful stuff from Nicky H
there. By the end of the show I was fed up
of hearing how much they all wanted the job. We've had that for twelve weeks now! The ancillary show (of which there were two)
proved to be of some interest with VICTORIA WOOD
making a welcome appearance on the panel of THE APPRENTICE: YOU'RE FIRED
. She felt they should have called the fragrance LOSER
, for the man who has nothing and will never get anything
Nice moment too when ADRIAN CHILES
a "big soft shite"
for crying at the end. Even more
exciting was seeing MAGGIE PHILBIN
and SARAH GREENE
in the audience. MIKE SMITH
was there too but that was not
exciting. And was it just
me or did Alex
seem like they had just banged (or should that be 'bung'?)
and were gonna again. Sadly, with all this extra
material we were not
treated to any further comments from NICK
Lucky RAEF, stuck inbetween the 80s beauties.
I hope you're happy. I would be very interested to see what Lee
actually gets to be in charge of. If I had a billion pound empire (sorry I mean "when I have")
I would perhaps let him be the wallet inspector. Or
the left~handed hammer technician. Or
someone to sell thongs. Only one of the previous three winners is still with Big Al (present in the audience last night)
, will Lee
jump, be pushed or do a good job. Sadly
, we won't decide. But well done to the bloke (and he is a bloke)
described as a "gentleman" by huge S~Bag JENNY
. Yes you read right
, 'gentleman'. Not
bully or liar.
... song as old as rhyme.'Til the next time,C.