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Saturday, June 28, 2008
WANTED?
Not by me sadly...

He's going to be a model, no really.

I am, of course, referring the film (and I use the term lightly) starring JAMES "Could They Have Cast Anyone Less Suited For This Role?" MCAVOY and ANGELINA "Ah, Yes - I See They Did" JOLIE. You can already guess, reader, my feelings on this flick and, if you haven't seen it, then I suggest you stop reading 'cos I'll be talking about plot points (if you can call it a plot). Though if you don't see the 'twist' coming in this one then I'll wonder where you got the money to pay for the ticket.

Dancing With The Stars takes a new twist (better than the one in WANTED)

At the end of this motion picture, James McAvoy's character (again, I use the word quite wrongly), Wesley, turns to the camera and asks: "What the f**k have you done lately?" The cheap/high~larious answer? "Well, I haven't just made a film that is the equilvalent of a mile~high pile of used vadge~rags." The honest answer? "Just wasted two hours of my life - we've all seen THE MATRIX you know! It's Almost Ten Years Old!" And that brings me to the crux of why this film is such a waste of time - it mimics or borrows/copies/steals from so many other pieces of work. Stick some EQUILIBIRIUM and many other (and better) martial arts movies and you're there. Homi K Bhabha suggests that mimicry (and its endless repetition) is a form of mockery and here the director is mocking the genre by making it so laughably redundant. Of course, some of us already felt that a number of years ago.

Casting begins for THE JOKER.

I'm sure he doesn't mean to. He also directed NIGHT WATCH (and the sequel) which I enjoyed thoroughly but there's no control here. It's all repetition and instead of adding to a genre, he's subtracting. The un~originality is by no means the only flaw (there are many good completely unoriginal films out there), just take a look at the cast. To explain, in one simple phrase, why the casting is so wrong I'll just lay this one on you: MARC "He Might Well Have Been Excellent In DOCTOR WHO But Have You Seen HUSTLE? And What About GREEN STREET?" WARREN is cast a real evil/tough bad/good~guy (couldn't make up my mind which).

Casting begins for the new Raptor in JURASSIC PARK 4.

Actually that's unfair, he's not the worst actor here. McAvoy's accent is good in the narration but wobbles like AMY WINEHOUSE all over the place during scenes. His Scottish sing~song lilt is always bubbling under and pops up every now again to say "I Shouldn't Be Here!" His co~star Jolie is wasted as an actress but when she does she speak you wish she wouldn't. And MORGAN "A Very, Very Poor Man's Morpheus" FREEMAN really should not be saying the word "mother~f**ker". So wrong. The characters are pretty much devoid of humour and life with too many 'meaningful' silences and unanswered questions. When seriousness is overplayed it becomes the antithesis of solemnity.

Coming soon? But how soon..... (maybe tonight?)

There's not much joy to be found here though I did smirk each time we got a slow~motion moment with a character speaking (and it happens a lot here - yes, I know it's NOT 1999). Usually shouting "Nooooooo!" or something equally abhorrent. They should have played it more for larfs. The highlight of the whole thing was when Wesley's best 'mate' (though there seems to be no friendship there whatsoever - Oh, what a troubled character, not like Neo at all) got smacked over the face with a laptop (oh, commentary on technology - radical!) and some keys flew out towards the screening spelling out "F**k You". Reminiscent of Timur Bekmambetov's previous work in the aforementioned WATCH films.

Nerdgasm! [Part 1]

And don't get me started on the plot involving looms, a MacGuffin so ridiculous that SPIELBERG and LUCAS would have binned for the next INDY adventure, and the Fraternity. Oh, I almost forgot, the phrase "He's the man" is used. Not once. Not even twice. But thrice. What's galling is WANTED is being lapped up and I can only imagine its by teenage boys who haven't been with a girl or seen more than seven films in the past decade. I haven't read the comic~book that it's taken from but I believe it's only tenuously based on it. Poor bastids, being associated with this garbage. If you do go and see it, and why not you might like it, I suggest you go thinking that's it like AIRPLANE or some other parody film. That way it'll make sense.

Nerdgasm! [Part 2]

'Til the next time,
C.

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posted by Cameron McEwan at 10:12 am -
2 Comments:
  • At 1:20 pm, Anonymous David said…

    This makes me sad, I only recently resad the comic and loved it, it really subverted the idea of what a super villain is, taking it to an extreme that Marvel would never even hint at. And there is no loom in site on the graphic novel, off to see the film tomorrow though so preparing myself for a rather large rant on www.yourfaceisanadvert.com straight after

     
  • At 9:50 am, Blogger Cameron McEwan said…

    I believe the film is wildly different to the comic. Especially the 'super villain' element.


    Damn you Hollywood!

     
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