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Thursday, August 28, 2008
So The DRAGONS Never Cook Pizza then?
So out of touch...

This guy wants a pizza the action...

That's what I gleamed from this week's tale of weirdos and losers (and that's just the f**knuckles with the money) - Duncan & Co. either don't eat pizza or, if they do, they certainly don't 'cook' it. All us normal people know that the blighters don't cook/microwave evenly yet these money~mad buffoons aren't aware of the plight we face every day. Having said that, I haven't had a pizza in some time... hhmmm... pizza...

DAVROS returns...

If you haven't guessed already, I am talking/typing about DRAGON'S DEN. Some bloke (who could barely string a sentence together and I seriously thought he'd had a stroke) had come up with a nifty device for allowing pizzas to be cooked evenly all over. The cash~rich diddy~f**kers (and I include Debby M in this description) laughed heartily at first 'til the poor guy revealed he was a widower - that shut the effers up! So, they eventually talked themselves round to lurvin' his idea (well, Petey J anyway) and gave him the dough. Nice work.

PACINO auditions for the new TIMMY B film, The Life Of Tim Burton

Elsewhere on TVland, the repeats of NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS continue to outshine the first~runs of MOCK THE WEEK, many more LOLs p/s. The BEEB claim that Thursdays Are Funny, apparently, but the new sitcom, THE CUP, doesn't really provide many of those. It's like the producers couldn't get any proper comics and cast the entire show with peripheral actors who were in one episode of popular shows (I'm really just referring to THE OFFICE here). It's well trod in tone and seems five years out of date (at least). If you want a comedy about football, go and watch GREGORY'S GIRL.

CHEVY CHASE - Still alive...

Same night, different channel saw the start of a 'new' (and I use the term quite wrongly) sketch show, THE WRONG DOOR. Whilst the production values were acceptable and some of the CG work was particularly good (especially for comedy show on BBC3) the makers of this programme should have concentrated more on the actual scripts. Not one larf from me. The sketches went on too long and relied far too heavily on hip tunes. I say 'hip' but actually there was only one song, from VAMPIRE WEEKEND, that could possibly fall into that category. We were also treated to One More Kiss from the outstanding BLADE RUNNER soundtrack as well as the start to Journey Of The Sorcerer by THE EAGLES. Better known to us geekoids as the theme tune to THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY.

... as is BRENDAN FRASER. Sadly.

To give it credit, there were some interesting ideas stuck in there; mainly concerning the increasing overlap and blurring between the 'virtual' and 'real' (and I use both terms not really knowing what they mean exactly) worlds. You know, that feeling you get when you play too much TETRIS and you see blocks everywhere. Or, if you're a total 'player', you think about killing and stealing on the street (that's a reference to GTA which, I must confess, I've never played and I'm relying on second~hand info with that particular remark). As always with television shows I look for the DOCTOR WHO factor, and here we got MYANNA BURING who starred as Scooti in the OOD two~parter from 2006 and TOM PRICE who plays PC Andy in TORCHWOOD. Yes, I know, I'm a nerdoid.

SARAH ALEXANDER - Is there anything she isn't in?

Sticking with WHO~related shows, MUTUAL FRIENDS kicked off on BBC1 this week with three familiar faces from the much~missed 'sci~fi' show. There's MARC "His 'Soulmate' Is ABI TITMUSS - No, Really!" WARREN, the seemingly ubiquitous ALEXANDER "OK, You Don't See His Face, But You Get The Idea" ARMSTRONG and CLAIRE "Ida Scott" RUSHBROOK who also starred in the aforementioned OOD two~parter. I'm not generally/at all a fan of the one hour comedy/drama - which you can either call a 'comma' or a 'dramady' - but this has a pretty good cast so I thought I'd give it a chance. And I'm glad I did too.

Doesn't he know Harry Potter is about to end?

Turns out to be have been a good watch; nothing new or groundbreaking, just a neat script on familiar territory with a strong cast. Top marks to Mr Warren on that count. Not to mention some gold stars and a "see me after class" to KEELEY "The Voice Of Lara Croft" HAWES for making me forget ASHES TO ASHES (shudders). I'll be tuning in again. I 'tuned' in again to HOW NOT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE and, whilst not completely terrible, it still isn't that good. But it gets another chance from me; I think it must be the girl in it...

Heil Lumley!

Lastly, in the world if TV, MAESTRO chunders on and it's beginning to become less appealing. Partly because BRADLEY "Still Crazy After All These Years" WALSH has been booted out - I was genuinely annoyed/sad to see him go, though he did so with all his trademark (I say 'his', it was in fact Eric Morecambe's) style. And, is it just me or is GOLDIE an arrogant F~Bag? Hhmm, thought so. Now onto the world of 'movies' with THE WACKNESS, a disparate tale of generational woe from everyone's favourite era, the mid~Nineties. Oh come on, show some interest!

Sell outs!

Again, it's another generational tale demonstrating that, regardless of age, no~one is happy. A common tale for sure and the direction~less ending (for the youngster) was first addressed in the Sixties (perhaps even earlier) and I was reminded of the 'Youth' at the denouement of THE PRISONER as he hitches his way to nowhere, caring little about which way he goes. The youngster in this flick has problems but, due to the actor's good looks and affability, it's hard to reconcile them. He can't get laid (his words, not mine), seriously? One thing I have learnt is that even the most monstrous of ugmo will find 'love'. And by that, I mean a 'ride'.

It's happening!

He's just too handsome, rich and articulate to believe that he's some kind of outcast. BEN KINGSLEY delivers, however, in a very real and meaningful way, and I'm not just talking/typing about the outfits he displays during the film. FAMKE JANSSEN also does a nice line in being a real effed~up bee~atch. The direction is all soft~focus in a BOYZ II MEN video kind of way and deftly stages the heat of a Manhattan summer. Sadly, for me, it's all a bit hollow and unoriginal but, due to the likeable performances and interesting characters, it is well worth a watch.

Couples you thought you would never see: Part 1 - Carrey & McGregor

Music~wise, I 'got' the debut from NOAH & THE WHALE and what a waste of time that 40 minutes (or so) were. Avoid, it's tedious. Not tedious and highly interesting is the latest project from DAMON "His Favourite Cereal Is..." ALBARN - it's MONKEY with the album Journey To The West. Although there's a lot of fluff and inbetween tracks that just come off as noise (I'm sure it's appropriate for the show), there are some amazing melodies and sounds to be found in this work. In particular, check out: the achingly beautiful, The Living Sea; the grunting 'sounds~like~it's~from~a~Miyazaki~film' Confessions Of A Pig (featuring some brilliantly odd vocals); and the could~be~a~single Monkey Bee. Great stuff.

Couples you were just waiting to see...

'Til the next time,

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posted by Cameron McEwan at 9:55 pm -
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