North American/Australian/European readers may want to move on as I'm going to talk, and by 'talk' I mean 'type, about THE APPRENTICE. Specifically, poor little James McQuillan - the only REAL human on that bloody show. On his exiting of the 'boardroom' (ahem), he turned and announced, "It's been brilliant" - cue tears from the heartless bee~atches left and the rest of the UK nation.


Of course, I thought he was about to turn around and deliver a gag. Or burp. Now that would have been classic James. A real loss to the show for me but I've found with every series (yes, I said 'series' NOT 'season' - I'm old skool) the people in the final are usually tools. This time we've got a wonky gob and a wonky head beating each other off in the final. Can't wait (stifles yawn). I really hope Sr'Alan doesn't hire either of them. None of the contestants this year are worthy of a £10K job, let alone £100K. That would have been spunking money up the wall...*


Its sister show, THE APPRENTICE: YOU'RE FIRED, has also suffered this year from guest fatigue - too many returnees from previous years. Get new ones, the BEEB! Debra did manage, however, to seem like a real person and not a total C. When asked by Adrian "The Last Sontaran" Chiles, "Ever been conquered?" the minx replied, "Now and again" with a saucy look in her eye. My trousers told their own story.


Speaking of telling their own story, I took a trip to the flicks and caught TERMINATOR SALVATION. You know how they go back in time in the first two films and try to stop/start stuff happening? I wish I could go back in time and tell a slightly younger me that my two hours would be better spent debating the pros and cons of Colin Baker. (As a sidenote, a friend of mine referred to the Trial of a Time Lord as the 'glory years' in comparison to New Who. I know! These people do exist. Anyway, parenthesis ends.)


Where the flip~flops was I... reads back... oh yeah! Christian "Everything's OK Man, We're All Friends Now. People In The Biz Understand. Now, Where's My Sis & Mum?" Bale has finally fallen off that tight wire of 'acting'. The Batman voice again??? It makes his onset rant risible in the extreme. Not as laughable, however, as some of the lines the poor lad had to puke out for nearly two hours. "I'll be back," was the not the worst offender though it did gain the most groans.


That honour went to Michael Ironside. I won't spoil it for you but those who remember V will recall his one~note performance. The script is the worst offender but this cast don't do it any favours, delivering lines like a teenager may try to sell you a cheeseburger. Plot? There's one in there somewhere. Beneath the plodding seriousness and dreadful camerawork there's a story there but whether or not you'll care is a different matter.


'Til the next time,
C.

* © Copyright James McQuillan 2009