Stuff On TV

So, What's Going On?

2010-10-01T13:16:00.010+01:00

Wow, it's almost a year since I last posted here. And quite a bit has happened.

Since we last 'spoke' I have completed an MLitt in Visual Culture (and made two very good films if I say so myself) and, as of today, undertaking a PhD in Visual Culture. It's a practical~based study so I'll be making a documentary as part of my studies. Like last year, I'm also a part of the teaching team in the Film Studies department at the University of Aberdeen.

I notice that SoTV still gets a couple of thousand hits a week meaning that there are still some weirdos out there coming here. If you're eager to keep up with my "opinions", I am now reviewing for Last Broadcast and still contributing to Den of Geek. Of course, you can follow my Doctor Who~based news and reviews over at Blogtor Who.

I predict the next post will be in approximately three years when, hopefully, I'll have a new title. Until then, enjoy the very first "dramatic" film I was involved in. Before you watch, however, please note that this was the first time I had used a video camera, first time I directed, first time I had written a screenplay (such that it is), and the first time I had edited. You get the idea.

So, What's Going On?

2009-10-31T09:58:00.014Z

Quite a lot ackcheloi...

Sorry luv, don't think The Joker is in the next Batman film...

Just not here, sadly. As an update to why there has been little-to-no action here at SoTV, I'll do some explaining. At the moment I'm 'teaching' at Uni (well, I'm 'assisting' anyway), learning at Uni, working at a cinema (the first all~digital one in Scotland fact~fans!) and making a film - busy, busy. And so SoTV has taken a hit. I'm still offering my opinions on stuff so I've compiled a list of recent reviews for Den of Geek here:

THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES
Prisoner of the Judoon Part 1
Prisoner of the Judoon Part 2
Mad Woman in the Attic Part 1
Mad Woman in the Attic Part 2
The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith Part 1
The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith Part 2

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS

Season 2, Episode 1 - Holocron Heist

I've been lucky enough to receive preview discs for SJA which I dearly hope will apply to the upcoming Doctor Who specials but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Elsewhere on TV, Curb Your Enthusiasm has returned in some style with Jerry Seinfeld helping out. Halfway through the season and all is more than well. Similarly Peep Show has come and gone but was groin~grabbingly funny, refreshing considering how 'old' it is (in UK sitcom terms).

Christ, Barbara Windsor has let herself go...

So, in essence, dunno when I'll be back. There'll be reviews over at Den of Geek and Blogtor Who but things will remain purty quiet here until Christmas where I'll round up the year and perhaps put this flippin' blog out of its misery.

'Til the next time,
C.

Me On The Radio - 5th Oct

2009-10-01T21:32:00.011+01:00

Wow, remember the days when I used to be on the radio?

The big screen version of the TAKE THAT musical takes shape...

Well, they're back and this time it's personal. I'll be presenting The Cameron K McEwan Show on ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO this Monday (October 5th) from 10 'til 11am. Looks like it'll be a regular thang and you can tune in HERE. Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

"Been on holiday recently?"

In other news, life has taken over as I'm now about to start my fourth film and I'm also teaching at the University so my time is a bit too tight for little old SoTV. Apologies if you've had to look elsewhere for unflattering pics of Lily Allen and Lady JarJar. Lastly, you can read some reviews I've done for Den Of Geek here:

Elephantmen Vol.2 - Fatal Diseases
Dr. Who & The Daleks
Torchwood: The Encyclopedia

Where did I put those CDW of the Week awards?

'Til the next time,
C.

THE BEATLES ARE BACK!

2009-09-10T16:17:00.041+01:00

Thank you BBC!

The Prisoner Musical hit a snag in the 60s...

Some of the more eagle~eyed humans amongst you may have noticed that yesterday (cue gag) was a purty big day for that little known beat~combo THE BEATLES. But apart from all the commercial who~ha going on (I'm old, I don't 'get' Rock Band - what's wrong with learning an actual instrument?), the BEEB have been treating us fans to quite a week of programming featuring the world's greatest gift to music.

A black & white picture? Isn't that against internet rules??

And they also managed to show some footage that was new to me so I must commend the BBC on their choices (though some of documentaries weren't made by them). Whether or not The Fab Four actually brought an end to communism is up for debate but I was certainly convinced after the doc on BBC Four seemingly rounded up info and witnesses to say it was so. I don't say it often enough (here anyway, I'm always gobbing on about The Beatles in 'real' life), but the world is most definitely a better place with their music.

Ahh! Another one!

Wow, sincerity! Also, special cuddles to the BEEB for not editing all the smoking the guys did - and there was a lot of that! Speaking of making films about blogs (Wha? How did we get on this side~street?), I took a trip to the local 'plex and caught JULIE & JULIA. Yup, films have dried up so much on plots that the writers have taken to writing about blogging. Yup, blogging - the lowest of all literary forms and the highest of all self~referential media. Thankfully, this is addressed and, surprisingly, the filmmakers don't bang on about what a blog is or explain it. I say surprising 'cos most of the audience I saw it with were not of a net~savvy age (though maybe I'm misunderestimating my elder cinema viewers).

Kitchen bitch, Amy FORWARD SLASH Adams.

Anyway, it was damn good and long time blogites will know my lurve for AMY "Set Trousers For Stunned" ADAMS. She didn't disappoint, and full marks too to MERYL STREEP for her mesmeric performance. I will say that the ending is slightly saccarine and oddly unresolved though films based on real life often are. (Hence the saying, "Make it up, wrap it up. If it's real, make a meal.") And I was most surprised to see Douglas Adams getting quoted and name~checked within the film. (I mean, this film is for chicks, right?) Now, when will Stuff~On~TV make it to the big screen, seemed easy enough in the film...

Well I'm glad she's wearing gloves at least...

Also at the flicks this week was DORIAN GRAY. I should say that OSCAR WILDE, like the aforementioned Beatles, is a long time lurve of mine and especially his one and only novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray. It affected me greatly as a youngster (I even wrote a song named after one of the characters, Sibyl Vane - you can see it on YouTube) and certainly was responsible for a number of mistakes in my life (though I would never blame it - damn, I just did). It's not the 'best' in a literaturic (word of the day, thank you!) sense, but it's impression on me was greater than any other book I've ever read.

The new Dorian Gray?

Before I rip apart the new version (oops, given away my 'review'), let's look at the 1945 version starring GEORGE "Jungle Book" SANDERS and ANGELA LANSBURY. It's infuriating for us purists due to the change of Sibyl Vane's profession from actress to singer (and that awful bloody song) and the inclusion of that "mysterious" Egyptian cat that turns up in the titular painting which seems to be the answer to why Dorian was cursed. But all said, it's still a good film and inherits much of Wilde's wit and memorable epigrams (though Dorian does mention Oscar Wilde at one point, gah~roan). The horrific reveal of Dorian's image at the denouement is particularly memorable and well played out for its time. The same cannot be said, however, for the latest version.

Gosh, Liza Minelli is looking good...

The simply titled DORIAN GRAY manages to reduce any Wildean remnants to a few lines tossed off by COLIN "No George Sanders" FIRTH like he was auditioning for the next Bridget Jones movie. Introduced is a hideous back story for Dorian, uninterestingly played by BEN "Where, where, Where Is My Personality???" BARNES that delivers nothing apart from cheap horror and a scary room.... And AGAIN Dorian is played by an actor with dark hair and dark eyes whereas dans le book, he is gold~haired and blue~eyed - he's meant to be an angel you numb~nuts! Mr Barnes looks like he could be a bad boy from the get~go and no amount of wide~eyed agogness can dampen that.

This is Zooey, right? No? But she's always grabbin' her knockers!

Parts of it felt like the BBC's recent Desperate Romantics with some old~fashioned humping going on though the filmmakers (and I use the word quite wrongly) do follow the book's descent into the darker side of life. I could go on with its flaws but I shan't. It's not terrible but neither is it worth seeing. Now, how about The BLOG of Dorian Gray.... Speaking (or, rather, typing), the bloke with a painting in his attic gets name~checked in 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. And, as with Amy "Won't Someone Please Think Of My Trousers?" Adams, regular blog~a~trons will know my, erm, likings for a certain ZOOEY "No, not her from The Office and no, not Katy Perry" DESCHANEL who plays the titular character Summer.

Right, this is her. No? But she lurves goo on her boobs!

Not only that but BELLE & SEBASTIAN get a rather nifty mention and quote, does it get any better? Well yes actually, it does. Apart from a spiffing soundtrack we also get: numerous mentions of MORRISSEY and THE SMITHS; PIXIES karaoke; and a clip from STAR WARS (and, for the first time in over a decade, used well). And that's just the superficial stuff, the actual film is tops. ZD is, as ever, tit~tuttingly glorious, brightening up the screen whenever she appears. If you haven't seen it and plan to, miss out the next paragraph as there's a SPOILER coming up which will ruin it for you.

Cripes... [trouser palm]

Before I forget, there's an amazing use of Old Friends by SIMON & GARFUNKEL which brought a tear to this cynical robot's eye - especially when juxtaposed with the final scenes from THE GRADUATE - it's interextuality gone mad I tells ya! Anyway this tale, which the viewer is led to believe will have a happy ending (which it does, of sorts), is realistically told with a heart~breaking twist. The couple's conversation on the bench is painful but utterly true - "What I was never sure of with you." Truly gifted screenwriting.

Control~Alt~Splurge!

Spoiler over. A real treat with a great cast and beautifully shot. Top marks too for Joseph "Gordon" Levitt who was a revelation in his everyman role. Though, am I the only person thinking he shares an uncanny resemblance to HEATH LEDGER? Elsewhere in the world of film I took in DISTRICT 9 and was surprised to see Murray from FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS starring a sci~fi film...

You f**king Prawn!

I jest of course but the similarities were most distracting. Not as distracting, however, as the main thrust of the film which was that the 'main guy' (cannot be arsed lookin' it up) was exposed to fluid which turned out to be fuel for a spaceship and this fluid turned him into one of the aliens. Exactly how? Not explained (not that that's a problem - I can handle no explanations) but it seems so ridiculous that engine oil could actually change someone's DNA make~up that it rendered the film laughable instead of the thoughtful piece it was trying to be.

INSERT "Aniston has at least one huge fan" GAG HERE

I also suggest in future that you don't portray all Nigerians as voodoo lurvin' dudes who wield guns and believe in eating body parts. Though, who am I to comment? It seems to be doing well enough. In the world of TV nothing much entertains. SHOOTING STARS returned with a bang but has drizzled out with familiarity, hopefully the guys will reverse this for the rest of the series. Finally, as you may have noticed posts have been scant of late. This is due to me actually working. Yah, a real 'job'. And, sadly (for SoTV anyway), I return to my studies at the end of this month AND I will be teaching too. So, as you may have surmised, this could be the last entry for a while ('til Doctor Who comes back).

Remember when Bugs Bunny used to dress up as a lady rabbit?

'Til the next time (whenever the flippin' flop that may be),
C.

QUENTIN TARANTINO IS BACK!

2009-08-16T13:57:00.024+01:00

The Bastid!

Who's with stupid?

Just to give you a 'heads up', if I may use such a disgustingly modern phrase, there will be SPOILERS in this review for Inglorious Basterds so if you're looking for a summation in one paragraph then head off to the last paragraph for my stars out of ten. There's SPOILERS not because I want to ruin Quentin Tarantino's latest offering but because it's impossible to talk about Basterds without mentioning who dies and that fascinating, fiery inferno of a finale. So, toddle~off to the end whilst I discuss the merits of the alien involvement in the Nazi party... Ooops!

No Lily, coke goes up the nose, not your eyes!

Of course there's no aliens! There's lots of human races though and tonnes of subtitles to boot. As a side~note, I should state that the screening I attended (Saturday night in the sprawling metropolis) was full yet nobody walked out due to the various languages being used. I guess I misunderestimated my fellow Scots. It's a beautiful thing to hear the varying tones and sounds and, indeed, it's the Yanks and the Brits who come across in a more two~dimensional fashion. And this is where Tarantino 'discusses' some very interesting cinematic tropes.

Is that a microphone you're holding or are you just pleased to feel my gob~spit?

Brad Pitt & Co. are stereotypical to the 'max' ("witness" Pitt's Southern drawl and his compadres' New York twang) and this is further compounded when they indulge in their own stereotypical Italian accents in the final chapter. Likewise the 'Brits' - played by an hilarious Mike Myers (Canadian), Rod "The Time Machine" Taylor (an Aussie) and Michael Fassbender (born in Germany, raised in Ireland) - are all David Niven~esque and ultra~English. We are presented with the accents of the Thirties/Forties for the 'good guys' thus distancing them from the audience and contrasting with the direction.

Poker face? Well, I tried to...

The cast are terrific. In particular I would highlight Christoph Waltz who plays a deliciously camp but supremely unnerving German SS Colonel who manages to end the war in one night (with a little help from his enemies). He's a cracking character and his scenes really do steal the show, notably the opening chapter where he visits a French family hiding some Jewish friends. He's equal parts warm and cold and utterly horrifying - an amazing combination. Mirror this with his exclamation of "Bingo" and his 'defection' at the end and you've got yourself a unique addition to the world of cinema. Countering this is a tragic performance from Mélanie Laurent as a Jewish girl, now passing herself as French, who we see in this opening scene escape, miraculously, from the clutches of the aforementioned evil/hilarious German 'Jew Hunter'.

Sly Stallone [before]

In typical Tarantino style, Shosanna reeks feminine revenge even more outrageously than her screen cousin, The Bride from Kill Bill. Her death is utterly heart-breaking but her revenge works (more of that later). Similarly, the offing of the Brit Archie Hicox is a "uh, not him! He was a good guy" moment. The deaths of the characters are incredibly upsetting; mainly because they happen so abruptly and without fanfare or mourning. People die, life moves on.

Sly Stallone [after]

Basterds is full of 'Tarantino', from the Samuel L Jackson voice~overs to the pop~culture takes on the Nazi Party but the director is certainly becoming more, dare I say, "talkie" and this is no bad thing. QT seems fascinated with conversations and the inter~personal relationships that exist therein building a number of intensely nervy scenes waiting to, literally, explode. Speaking of explosions, the denouement is spectacular and I doff my cap (or undo my fly) to Quentin for such a bold resolution. The various plans (well, two) to destroy Hitler and his chums succeed and the cinema where Adolf & Co. are seated erupts in flames whilst being hauntingly taunted through the smoke by the recently deceased Shosanna. Truly an amazing moment, a visual treat worthy of Mr Kipling himself. But, to top that, QT goes one further. Throughout one wonders, "How is Hitler gonna get out of this?" and we get an extraordinary answer. He doesn't. The Basterds ensure the blighter cops it at their hands and disintegrates in front of them in a rally of ammunition. For sheer Gaul* I applaud Mr Tarantino.

Johnny Depp gets papped with the world's worst waxwork of himself.

So, you've skipped the waffle and come to the end for a neat recap and is it any good? At over two and half hours one would think, "Urrr, it's a bit long" but nothing could be further from the truth. Basterds nips along and even at the end there's no sense of the film outstaying its welcome. The only moment that did drag was the opening credits, a retread of his earlier titles a la Pulp Fiction. Unnecessary. But that's the one downside to Inglorious Basterds and I look forward to seeing this one a second time. QT, yet again, delivers another slice of genius; another world to drink in and savour; another chunk of film at its very best.

Insert Shoots His Load gag here...

'Til the next time,
C.

* This is a 'gag'; as is the use of the '*'

THE PRISONER IS BACK!

2009-07-25T16:19:00.020+01:00

Nearly!

She's back, out~fagging Lily!

Regular blog~o~trons may remember that THE PRISONER is one of my very favourite telly shows ever. I expressed my excitement about the new AMC version as it's robust and original enough to be taken on again and made anew whilst still keeping to the same ideals that made McGoohan's vision so tit~tuttingly titanic. Crikey, it got's flippin' IAN "Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian" MCKELLEN as No. 2 (great choice) and all the early buzz about was favourable. But now there's some actual footage and the tightness in my trousers has been reduced somewhat.

The village looks great as does No. 2 but Six? Not quite what I had in mind. McGoohan played him with great wit whilst also retaining a manly danger (that gag didn't quite come off) but this CAVIEZEL guy? Jesus (see previous parenthesis), cheer up mate! There seems to be an ongoing trope in many US dramas where the lead guy has to be stoic and humourless (yet hunky) rendering them rather one~dimensional (MATHEW FOX in Lost is a prime example of this). I'm sincerely hoping that the series displays a more fully~rounded character that doesn't act like a petulant teenager - all scowls and monosyllabic.

Lady JarJar misinterprets Quadrophenia...

Another thang that slightly stuck in my craw was the number of times they kept saying "The Village" - yeah, we know, we get it! Obvious much? It reminded of an episode of The Simpsons where they were sent to "The Island" and kept saying it. Of course, this is just a condensed preview and I will be watching whenever it hits our screens. (ITV of all places - ewww, so durty!) It wasn't all bad though, Rover pleased me greatly and it was nice to see how HUGE he (or she - it is The Noughties after all) is these days.

John Leslie couldn't make it? Quel dommage!

Telly "now" is a rather non~event. Bizarrely, ENTOURAGE has returned in the middle of summer and even more bizarrely the writers forgot to make it funny. Two episodes without a larf is NOT acceptable regardless of how much they stick it SETH ROGEN. Another new series debuting when new shows shouldn't really was the BBC's DESPERATE ROMANTICS. A very odd watch to be sure. Quite similar to Entourage actually; instead of actors we get artists and instead of actresses we get whores (plus ça change).

Crikey, A~ha have let themselves go...

It was in part 'good' but in part infuriating. The tone and style shifted dramatically throughout rendering the narrative redundant for the most part. Some actors are doing proper actoring whilst some are just trying to be Russell Brand (I'm guessing this was the desired effect) or doing the Cockney flower thang. Predictable. Then there's the music which wouldn't have sounded out of place on the B~Side to a record by The Kinks. And the nudity! If ever there was a time to use the word "gratuitous" - then this was it. Tit~tacular! But very jarring.

Desperate? Yes. Romantic? Hhmm, doubt it.

Still, by the end of the first installment I had grown to like it slightly (despite nearly switching it off after the first fifteen minutes or so) and so it lives to fight another week. Film~wise, the summer throws up (literally) little in the way of quality. BRUNO was BORAT~lite. In parts shocking but in parts repetitive and almost dull retreads of his earlier work. Disappointing. ICE AGE 3D also failed to impress though why I thought it should after the abortion that was ICE AGE 2 is beyond me. The 3D in the film is also very, very poor and unimaginative.

The Moff terrifies Who fans with a sinister new alien..

HARRY POTTER AND THE... (hold on I'll just call it HP6) did the job. And by 'job' I mean that it didn't make me want to roll my eyes, sigh and groan for two and a half hours. (That's what she didn't say!) I think I even larfed a couple of times. I'm not familiar with the books ('cos I'm an adult) but the sense of story doesn't really come through in the films and I often find myself feeling a little short~changed in the explanation department (next door to the trouser department). Likewise HP6 delivered a few scenes where I was wondering why they did this or why someone did that or why Dumbledore reads Woman's Own (actually, I do know that one). The CG work is often quite uninspired in this series and HP6 doesn't break with that convention. You do, however, get top performances from JIM "The Guv'nor" BROADBENT and ALAN "The Guv'nor's Brother" RICKMAN. Not terrible, well done.

Smiddy battles the near~naked sunbathers. Moffat, you've done it again!

'Til the next time,
C.

10%? Don't They Know About The Credit Crunch??

2009-07-09T00:30:00.015+01:00

*wipes tears away*

Which one is the 'tramp'?

If you haven't seen tonight's astounding episode of TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH then please do NOT read on as this post makes specific reference to events that take place therein and will SPOIL your enjoyment of one of the finest sixty minutes I can recall on television. Watch it first, then come back. Though you might not want to be reminded of such a heart~rendering tale and, frankly, obscene bleakness.

Hold on! He's touching her inappropriately!

The pace has been completely zapped out of the story and, as I stated previously, this is no bad thing. Menace drips out from the screen as we are presented with The 456 thing and the child sitting at its heart, betraying Frobisher (yet again expertly portrayed by Petey C). When the 'action' then transfers to the Prime Minister - and this is where Nicholas Farrell gets his chance to shine as a real piece of work, a veritable hateful figure, an actual monster - and the Cabinet we are presented with some of the most horrific, yet believable, scenes I've seen on the small screen.

Say hello to my little friend!

Discussing the actualitie of giving 10% of the earth's children in such cold tones chilled more than any alien threat could ever. Top marks and a gold star to all involved in this respect. Sadly, it's all too believable in the current climate as politician's currency is about as low as a limbo dancer at Mardis Gras (and, as Hermes once stated, that's about as low as it gets). Riffing on one of the themes present in Turn Left (from that other show), we see how foreigners are dispensable without the blink of an eye and those of a lesser intelligence and working class ethic are just as poorly thought of. And referring to the kids as 'units'? Not so much as chilling as absolute flippin' zero.

Gwen goes undercover...

Though, having said that, The 456 are still bloody scary bastids. Director Euros Lyn has handled the beasts with style and intrigue - demonstrating that BEMs can have a place on prime time television. And, just as it seems our gang are turning things around (with the help of the spunky new start, Lois), just as it looks like Captain Jack & Co. are winning, the ball is proverbially dropped. Again we are presented with unnerving scenes as the staff of Thames House (where The 456 representative is located) die with ease.

"Don't forget me" *sniff*

And poor Ianto. Poor, poor Ianto. Part of me thought he was gonna make it. Part of me thought the old guy would bring a suit through for him. Sadly not. John Barrowman showed another side to his skills as his lover died in his arms and should be rewarded with a great big cuddle for his efforts. The final scenes with Gwen and Jack, coupled with the overiding feeling of disgust imbued in Day Four, was utterly heart~breaking. I dunno if I can handle much more - this is brutal and brilliant stuff.

Captain Jack recruits his robotic chum to take on The 456

'Til the next time,
C.

PLEASE NOTE:
Tomorrow's review will be posted HERE
over at Den of Geek

Read a review of the third episode HERE.
Read a review of the second episode HERE.
Read a review of the first episode HERE.

Review of the soundtrack HERE.

Coming Soon from BBC1 - QUEER SMELLERS!

2009-07-08T09:33:00.018+01:00

Has TORCHWOOD gone too far?

Knockers!

In the third installment of CHILDREN OF EARTH, Day Three (boy, who though of those titles?), the not~so~great British public were treated to the notion that a disgusting old tramp can 'smell queers.' Poor Ianto, I thought we'd established in Day One that he was a 'bender'?!? I'm so out of touch with the terminology. Anyway, feel free to read on in a SPOILER FREE review...

The ROBIN HOOD comeback is on!

Tonight's installment kicked off in old~skool Torchwood fashion with a bit of gigglesome fun with the team stealing 'tech', transport and, erm, clothes. A bit groanworthy when Captain Jack proclaimed, "I'm back!" whilst showing off his 'new' coat but that was the only gripe I have in yet another terrific sixty minutes. Amazingly, the flippin' aliens turned up halfway through and not at the end (as I thought was gonna happen); so this particular geekoid was happy.

But are they Johnny? Are they all right...?

The scenes with The 456 and Frobisher - played with nut~numbing supremeness by Peter Capaldi - were simply bottom~huggingly essential. Top marks to the production team for creating a cinematic ambience worthy of an Alien film (well, one of the first two); the threat was tangible in the extreme. It also amazed me, and I would imagine a great number of other nerdoids, that such sci~fi imagery was planked out on prime~time UK telly. What times we live in!

The 456 reveal themselves! It's more hideous than I could imagine!!

Clem was back, freakin' out and being generally disturbed - and with good reason. Another character not getting much screen time but impressing greatly was Jack's daughter, Alice. Was surprised, and slightly aroused, to see her pack 'heat' so readily; I wonder if there's a story there... The Prime Minister - comically named 'Green' - continues to ooze unpleasantness and with him too there seems to be an even more sinister backstory. The denouement impressed no end and the mystery is as strong as it was all the way back in Day One (very different times to now). Looks like there's a helluva couple of days to come, bravo!

Knockers!

'Til the next time,
C.

Read a review of the fourth episode HERE.
Read a review of the second episode HERE.
Read a review of the first episode HERE.

Won't Someone PLEASE Think Of The Children??

2009-07-07T12:53:00.021+01:00

'Cos they weren't in it much tonight!

"Write the feme toon, sing the feme toon..."

Wha? Well, it's Day Two of TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH but those pesky titular kids didn't feature it the second episode much. Some minor~ish SPOILERS will follow so move on in case you're remaining virginal before watching. The first ten minutes continued much in the vein of last night - frantic. The team are purty much getting whoored over by that nasty governmental bitch with a fine taste in tight black outfits. After that dies down, however, the characters and story slow down and have a chance to breathe.

Eve has a go too.

And that is no bad thing for sure. Poor Captain Jack has looked better than he did in this outing but I was surprised that the gore factor wasn't cranked up a notch. I wouldn't say his 'back to life' moments were tasteful but they were certainly restrained. And all the more effective for it. The instant when the aforementioned serious~yet~thigh~clenching bitch (I really should look up her name) stands over him, looking down through the hatch you just know that something bad is gonna happen (as Kate Bush almost nearly sang). And bad it was.

They sing, they dance - is there anything they can't do?

Although it was only cement pouring into a confined area, the notion behind it was gruesome. I have to confess, though, that his escape was less than, how should I put this, believable. The JCB scene was a bit much. Or not enough depending on how you look at it. The idea of a digger being able to capture and then make off with a huge slab (that's not a euphemism) in the midst of some real nasty f**knuckles with guns was less than veracious. But that was the only negative point in an otherwise tit~tickling installment.

Nice gongs...

As with the kids, Paul Copley wasn't in it much tonight either which was a shame as he was tippity~top yesterday. Peter Capaldi was on form, as ever, though his offspring (or rather his character's) stole the limelight when they did a gag riffing on their 'possessed' speech, droning "We want a pony. We want a pony." The main thrust of Day Two seemed to be the Government's involvement in the 456 - we find out the Prime Minister rather chillingly finds Petey C "expendable" and the aliens have a gas chamber prepared for their arrival. Or do they....? Cripes! Is it Wednesday yet?

JB attends the opening of an umbrella...

'Til the next time,
C.

Read a review of the fourth episode HERE.
Read a review of the third episode HERE.
Read a review of the first episode HERE.

TORCHWOOD IS BACK!

2009-07-06T23:17:00.024+01:00

Won't someone please think of the Children?

Thankfully there's nothing as horrific as this going on...

Of Earth that is. As opposed to the Children of Mars, an ill~fated concept octo~album from The Flaming Lips. Yup, Torchwood is back on our screens (you'll have to wait a few a weeks if you're in North America or a few hours for you Aussies, or those *coughs* using other sources) AND it's on BBC flippin' ONE - that's a proper channel don'tchaknow. Don't worry though - NO SPOILERS here! Feel free to read on...

Credit crunch? Not in Cardiff...

It starts with SCOTLAND - hold on, I live in Scotland! Must be serious if they're starting north of the border. Amusingly, later on in the episode, there's a 'crossing the border to England' gag that works for both Welshies and us 'Scots'. I should point out that I think of myself as a 'human' and not Scottish. Anyway, as the trailers suggested all the children stop. Though they don't really. Tut tut. Kids today. Can't even stand doing nuttin' these days. It was all the rage back in The Eighties.

Has JB inherited Davey T's WES? (Wonky Eye Syndrome)

Where was I? (Reads back....) Oh yeah. As regular blog~o~philes will know, I enjoy Torchwood despite its numerous flaws (you should have met my first wife) but Children of Earth has really tightened the show's proverbial trousers in a very real and meaningful way. But aside from that, is it just or are Johnny B, Evey M and Gary D~L all a bit, well... erm.. bigger? Just a chunk. I mean, tad. And surely I wasn't the only person smirking when PETER "How Long 'Til He Pops Up In 'The Sarah Jane Adventures'?" CAPALDI solemnly pleaded, "Find me a bloody kid now!"

In the words of Kramer, "Giddy up!"

Day One is an arresting start and doesn't really let up for sixty minutes, even when you think, "Ah, it's an 'emotional' bit" (which is quite difficult for some of the leads...) the story whacks you over the head. The cast are terrific and the characters engrossing, matching the developing drama onscreen. My only fear is that RTD has so perfectly packed an hour full of intrigue that the next four hours won't match it. Can't wait for tomorrow.

Georgey M reveals her shame at being seen out with THAT jacket...

'Til the next time,
C.

Read a review of the fourth episode HERE.
Read a review of the third episode HERE.
Read a review of the second episode HERE.

I Don't Often Boast.... [Part 2]

2009-07-04T09:48:00.029+01:00

Blimey!

Who booked her AND Springsteen? And why is she holding a loo brush?

Blogites with poor short~term memory (always the first thing to go) may not remember THIS post where I went on and on about my Uni results. Acting as a sequel, of sorts, this post will continue in that self~congratulatory tone. (Well, seeing as there's no Doctor Who on telly, what else am I gonna do?)

C'mon LiLo, embiggen your gob some more!

For the very first time this year, the Film department are handing out prizes for students. I have been awarded the 'Lumiere Prize' for my film ABZ. It has been awarded, and I'm quoting verbatim here, "in recognition of a piece of practice-based film course work which exhibits exemplary craft and originality." Again, regular bloggons will remember THIS post where I detailed how the very same film was shown in the Aberdeen Art Gallery for a few weeks.

Can a leper change her spots?

I should, at this juncture, remind you blogotrons out there that this was only my third film (ever) so I feel particularly tightened in a certain trousicular area. I have since found out the prize could have equally gone to my second film (made with a fellow student), In The Blink Of An Eye - which is, if you ask me but you didn't though here's my opinion anyway, the better of the two. It was also a favourite of RAUL RUIZ who has shown it a number of times. Still, at half an hour, the one chosen is certainly longer.

Never date a tennis player, love means nothing to them...

In telly news, which is what this blog used to be about (before the dark times), there's nothing. Well, I say nothing. The BBC's coverage of GLASTONBURY was superb as was WIMBLEDON. Sniff. Moving on. THAT MITCHELL & WEBB LOOK continues to impress greatly and is shaping up to be their best series yet. So many good sketches, too numerous to mention but I should point out that the extra stuff on the Red Button (that's a digital 'interactive' feature for those who don't know) is sometimes better than the stuff they stick on the actual programme. Top stuff.

Ritchie gleefully eyes a negative review that ain't about one of his abortions.

Movie~wise, I caught PUBLIC ENEMIES. Hhmm, despite 'starring' CAREY "Blink & You'll Miss Her (Do you see what I did there?)" MULLIGAN this didn't quite do it for me. The HD digicam stuff was not nearly as clever as MICHAEL "The" MANN thought it was. And more effin' shaky~cam action?? Come on! It did look great (though it was sometimes difficult to tell) but the performances didn't affect in any way with only BILLY "Looks A Bit Like Johnny Depp" CRUDUP earning his paypacket. And when will Hollywood stop glamourising criminals and positioning authority figures as a~holes? Ah well, the world turns.

Poker face? You bet I did!

'Til the next time,
C.

What About The Music, Cam?

2009-06-27T11:12:00.061+01:00

Oh yeah...

Aren't roadies getting confident these days?

I bang on about telly and films but I keep forgetting about the music. Which is odd considering much of my life has been devoted to the creating, playing and listening of. For those of you who may not be aware, I spent about ten years of my life trying to 'make it' in the music biz - as you may have surmised, I didn't. It's still the thing that fills my life, like many I guess. Hours everyday listening to new and old tunes. So why I do keep forgetting to mention it?

She is a C-slapping disgrace. That is all.

Dunno, so I'll address the best of this year's releases so far here (obviously 'so far' as I cannot go into the future..., yet). To contextualise I purty much 'get' about two new albums a week. (*coughs* and looks around sheepishly *coughs* ) There's been a lot of substandard material (which I shan't go into) but there's been so much good stuff in 2009 too. Most recently, Far by REGINA SPEKTOR has been lighting up my ears with some incredible production and fascinating lyrics. Not to mention the cracking songs! Similarly, Tale To Tell by THE MUMMERS has been a big hit here at SoTV Towers. A truly extraordinary piece of work. Sublime arrangements compliment equally bottom~huggingly boobicular melodies, sounding as fresh as a field full of mint~in~the~box Star Wars figures and quite unlike anything else. Plus they're a bunch of gals! If you're a fan of music in any way, The Mummers get my 100% guarantee of SoTV goodness.

Anything she can do...

Gurly sounds also reign supreme in Two Suns by BAT FOR LASHES which is one of a number of releases this year that channel a little known decade that some people call The Eighties. You can't go anywhere (sonically) in the UK without being bombarded by the stabbing synths and plinkety~plonk riffs. Visually, the 'people' (and I use the word quite wrongly) are imitating extras in a Blow Monkeys video. La Roux by, erm, LA ROUX is the epitome of this. She's got some good tunes but this piece of work highlights the ethos of the synth - its power lies in the briefness of the single whereas its weakness lies in the album. The synth simply cannot sustain a dozen songs or so. Or rather it can, it's the people programming them who don't have the imagination to do so.

... I can do better!

Hands by LITTLE BOOTS also suffers from synth-fatigue though the single New In Town is a trouser~abandoning track of supreme talent. Speaking of abandoning trousers, a~ha are back! Yay! Actually, they've never really been away. The crazy Norwegians released a so~so album a few years back (with a couple of excellent songs on it, it should be noted) that was slightly TAKE THAT~Y in its adultness but now their new CD, Foot of the Mountain, sees a return to Eighties sensibilities. Pop. That's what they're all about and the title track, another Gary Barlow~esque track, is as beautiful as it is thigh~squelching. (And that's a good thing in case you're wondering.)

Amy drums up support for her Visa application...

Harnassing the power of the synth for good are acts like PASSION PIT, whose Manners contains more than its fair share of top tunes, and THE BIRD & THE BEE. Their album Ray Guns Are Not Just The Future is terrific and Love Letter To Japan is one of my faves from this year. Yes, it is electronic but their tweet~tweet~buzz~buzz has a heart and humful melodies. Robo~pop is certainly de rigueur but it's not all sh*t and I feel compelled to mention Jigsaw by LADY SOVEREIGN. Musically, it's nothing but lyrically? I was entranced. So much so that I listened to it a few more times just to catch her wordy nuggets again. Rhyming 'purple' with 'turtle' made me larf more than the entire output of BBC THREE. If you get a chance check it out purely for the poetry. I wouldn't advise paying any money for it but if you're up for giggles then she's VFM. It's difficult these days to figure out who's being serious anymore. And that's the way (uh~uh uh~uh), I like it.

The invisble man gives Beyonce the once over. Twice.

Moving on from electro~pop and on to 'real' music. Not that it's any better, I should add. DUKE SPECIAL released another fantastic album, I Never Thought This Day Would Come. Nobody seems to be taking notice of this guy which is a great pity as his songs are gawjus and very poppy. Shame. Also pleasing me aurally are (and apologies for this description~less list):

Wild Young Hearts by THE NOISETTES
It's Blitz! by THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS
Radio Wars by HOWLING BELLS
The Golden Spike by SKY LARKIN
Veckatimest by GRIZZLY BEAR
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix by PHOENIX
Gurrumul by GURRUMUL YUNUPINGU

There's more (much more) but I guess we'll have to wait 'til the end~of~the~year poll to see which ones 'stand' the test of 'time'.

Hold on, is Federer wearing Bespin fatigues??

Lastly, I guess it would be remiss of me not to mention Thursday's event. It was, of course, the 25th anniversary of the release of Purple Rain by PRINCE. That man is a true genius - producer, writer (and not just for himself - Manic Monday, Nothing Compares 2 U, et al), multi~instrumentalist and amazing performer. Oh yeah, and movie director. (C'mon, UNDER THE CHERRY MOON isn't that bad - it's got STEVEN "Whispering" BERKOFF and KRISTEN "Scott" THOMAS for heaven's sake. Surely a sign of quality....) Anyway, Purple Rain is, for sure, one of my absolute nut~numbingly favourite albums. A true classic with no skipping whatsoever. Sadly he hasn't really released anything cohesive since 88's Lovesexy but I remember, and celebrate, the good times. Crikey, I've just realised, Batdance is twenty years old. Blimey, I'm old. Though I say that, I got refused Nurofen and Budweiser from my local supermarket 'cos I didn't have any ID! I'm flippin 35!!

Now that's what I call tit~grabbing!

'Til the next time,
C.

I Don't Often Boast.... [Part 1]

2009-06-16T09:17:00.010+01:00

... though it's getting more common.

Get ready for a tit~grabbing announcement!

Regular blogites may know that I'm a student (albeit, a mature one). Keen eyed blogeurs will also have noted that I have been coming to the end of my degree in Film & Visual Culture. A degree that had a lot of theory and critical reflections but also saw me work with actual filmmakers (Raul Ruiz being one of them) and make three 'films'; two getting full marks (the other got 19/20), one of which was shown as an installation in the Aberdeen Art Gallery. Today, I received my final 'grade' - I graduated with First Class Honours.

There are so many things about this pic that scream CLASSY!

'Til the next time,
C.

ETA. Part 2 of self~congratulation can be found HERE.

"As They Say In Italy - Bovvered, Am I Bovvered?"

2009-06-14T17:18:00.031+01:00

Do they? Really??

Cathy T gives Jackie B what for 'cos he didn't mention her on Jonny Ross!

That little 'gem' came out of the gob of one of the contestants on Channel 4's COACH TRIP. Screening just before COME DINE WITH ME (incidentally, if you have you a job, or live outside the UK, then this will purty much mean nothing to you), it's similar in the respect that it's got a painful bunch of reality wannabes, posing as 'normals', trying to get noticed. And I did note them with great interest. Why?

But which one Lillette? Oh, both of them you say...?

Well, the chap who spewed out the title of this post is not unfamiliar to the world of TV having already won £45K on DEAL OR NO DEAL and appeared on half a dozen other quiz and reality shows. Another 'contestant' was a regular audience member on BIG BROTHER'S BIG MOUTH (when Rusty B hosted). So the UK has run out of people to stick on telly so now we're just regurgitating them on other shows. Well, as long as they keep acting like total tools on screen then I s'pose it keeps them off the streets.

She really does put the 'C' in Cotton...

Although not 'out' in the movies, I caught FANBOYS. I won't say how but let's just say no money was exchanged. Thankfully. For those of you who don't know anything about it, I'll elaborate. It's about Star Wars fans trying to see The Phantom Menace before anyone else, by breaking into Skywalker Ranch. The premise is actually the best thing about it and could have been lifted from a BIG BANG THEORY storyline. It's geeky at varying levels and it feels about 10 years out of date. Why people bothering parodying/pastiching/referencing Star Wars is beyond me. By the time ADAM & JOE expertly toyed with the trilogy (take note Robot Chicken) it was already getting a bit tiresome.

Twitter me this Masterchef...

And since then there's been nothing but poorly thought~out mash~ups and gags. Not only has it been done to death, it was done to death long, long ago in decade far, far away (see what I did there?) FANBOYS at least tries something new integrating the lurve for the films into its plot but there are way too many Star Wars quotes needlessly crammed in; and hearing the roar of the Millennium Falcon every time the geeks' van sped up was tedious in the extreme.

What's in here then? A Piranha?

There are some good moments but they are fleeting, namely the cameos from WILLIAM "No Wonder There Was A Captain's Log Every Week - He Wore A Man Girdle (a mirdle?)" SHATNER, CARRIE "Did She Ever Call Paul Al?" FISHER, BILLY "Dee" WILLIAMS and RAY "See, I am A Geek 'Cos Not Only Do I Know This Guy's Name & Who He Is But I Also Know What He Looks Like" PARK - though he ruined it by using the phrase, "They're gonna get mauled." Gah~roan! Real fans KNOW who he is, you don't need to pun us over the head with it. A missed opportunity really. Nice enough characters (for a sitcom), some big(ish) names but low on larfs. Anyway, any REAL fan knows that the most Star Wars hilarity can be found in the HOLIDAY SPECIAL...

Sh*t Badges: Check. Open Fly: Check. Sh*t Shoes: Check. It's JR!

'Til the next time,
C.

Tears Are Words The Heart Can't Express...

2009-06-12T22:55:00.021+01:00

... sniff, poor Miley...

I know that's not Miley, I'm hip man. It's Kim Kardashian, right?

For one moment I thought she'd hit upon the world's greatest lyric but let's hope she gets a hit or two out of her misery. Remember - young gals have feelings too. Emotions aren't just the currency of the jaded. Moving on. The BEEB managed to finale another show this week (did I just verbalise a noun?), HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU?

What two creatures sing the theme tune? A horse and a bee: Neigh - buzz

This run has been excellent and I really must touch myself inappropriately whilst thinking about PAUL MERTON as he's still, after all these years, nut~crunchingly funny. Some of the guest hosts haven't been as good and I was rather keen to see TOM "I Met Him Once" BAKER and Brian "GORDON'S ALIVE!" Blessed return - maybe in the Autumn. So now really, there's nothing on telly. Except...

Chris O' Dowd's been hanging out with the wrong crowd...

BBC2 are sticking with their Thursdays Are Funny schtick and we (and by 'we' I mean approximately 2 million people in the UK) were treated to a double bill of new stuff. Actually, treated is not the right term. Subjected would best describe the first hour - two episodes of KROD MANDOON & THE... You know, I've lost the energy in which, not only, to type the rest of the title or to bing* it. For a comedy, it wasn't very funny.

There are more laughs on his jacket than in Krod Mandoon.

In fact, entirely larf~free - so well done to all involved for creating a show so devoid of originality (granted it was, and I used the word quite wrongly, a 'parody') or creativity. Makes me yearn for NOT GOING OUT. Yes, there I said it! What's wrong with studio~based sitcoms?? Not everything can be THE flippin' OFFICE you know!!! Anyway, where was I.... reads back... shame on MATT LUCAS, he should know better. Making up the second half of this comedy double bill was the return of THAT MITCHELL & WEBB LOOK.

Studio~based sitoms? Is he havin' a laugh?? Meow!

They're not the most outrageously hilarious double act in the world but they hit more times than they miss. A thinking man's ARMSTRONG & MILLER if you like. Nice to see them back regardless and the guys were in fine form after a slightly disappointing second series. I will say that their 'rocket science' gag had more signposts indicating the punchline than the new Banksy exhibition has bloody obvious 'social' observations. (Hey Cam, what's the deal? First you have a go at Armstrong & Miller and now Banksy?? Who next? John Barrowman???) But it still made me giggle.

A fine bro~romance?

'Til the next time,
C.

* I know! How 'hip' am I??**

** Not very.

BBC, With All These Finales You Are Truly Spoiling Us!

2009-06-10T22:16:00.024+01:00

Nearly makes up for the dross they pump out the rest of the time.

Take two average Slut~Bags into the shower?

Nearly. So on Sunday we had THE APPRENTICE final and then the next day the UK public were treated to the Series 2 finale of ASHES TO ASHES. I'll begin with AlSu & Co. For the first time this series I was actually impressed with the numbnuts on display. I s'pose if you're gonna start being good (or rather competent) it may as well as be in the flippin' final. No great surprise, for me anyway, that the robot with the wonky gob - KaWa - didn't get the job.

Dress from A2A, hair by Amstrad.

Instead that went to YaSi, the maths wizard (*coughs*) with the wonky taste in clothes (what the eff was she wearing on You're Hired??? The Eighties are well and truly here to stay.) Speaking of the 'sister' show, AlSu got all sentimental complimenting one and all including AdChi. As predicted MaMo received a fitting send off. Not as endearing as mine but just as heartily felt. All in, a satisfying end (considering I didn't really care who won) and NiHew's "femine freshness" line did make me giggle.

It appears the flush isn't working in this cubicle...

A2A was slightly spoiled, and by 'slightly' I mean totally, due to the BBC website posting an article stating there would a third series earlier in the day. I would have gone into the finale thinking it was the final episode period and then been surprised/shocked/aroused at the ending. Sadly, it wasn't to be. Still, a corking end to the run with some nice nods to The Prisoner though I was a but miffed that Ultravox's Vienna wasn't used (as it had been trailed heavily with that particular slice of 80s heaven.)

Old! Time for some Edge~style headgear matey.

Also a tad disappointing was the 'resolution' of 'Operation Rose' and the Summers character. Not as groin~grabbingly engaging as it should have been. Still, all bodes well for the final series and one wonders if JoSi will make an appearance... The problem now is that there is NOTHING on telly now. Nothing that I would make a point to sit down and watch. Damn you DoWho!

And what's this sort of thing got to do with Piranhas? I ask you...

'Til the next time,
C.

Margaret Mountford Leaving??? NOOOOO!!!!!

2009-06-06T17:08:00.025+01:00

Wah, wah!

Brendan Fraser - you better watch out!

How could she? Just when I was learning to fall in lurve all over again. Maggy M is one of THE reasons for watching The Apprentice but today it has emerged that we'll see her no more on the show. Instead she's going to concentrate on her PhD in Papyrology (ooo, fancy!). So as she'll be studying ancient Egyptian texts, will we forever refer to her as Margaret "The Mummy" Mountford.

Maggo and Nicko find out that SoTV is boycotting the finale...

If you're slightly confused and wondering who the hell Maggy M is, then you must be one of the many overseas readers on SoTV. She is, without a doubt, the most cloudy~haired and elegant beauty that has ever graced our screens here in the UK. Classy and focused, the Maggster was always in control offering such put downs as: "I think Edinburgh's [university] not what it used to be" and "Never have so few cars been cleaned by so many people in such a large amount of time."

Knockers!

The Apprentice, for me, has always been about loss. The people I like are invariably the ones who get canned. And so the Magg~o~tron moves on to pastures new but, to celebrate her life and times, I suggest you check out the song Margaret Mountford by Joe "Writing The New TinTin Movie" Cornish - touching, but at the same time, erotic. Let's hope The Apprentice: You're Fired uses the track tomorrow. Maggy M - SoTV salutes you madam! May all who sail in you never get their feet wet.

Did anyone else see this? What was she wearing?? And her hair??? Bleurgh!!!!

'Til the next time,
C.

No James, YOU Were Brilliant, sniff...

2009-06-05T00:45:00.026+01:00

SoTV salutes you!

Go on, burp!

North American/Australian/European readers may want to move on as I'm going to talk, and by 'talk' I mean 'type, about THE APPRENTICE. Specifically, poor little James McQuillan - the only REAL human on that bloody show. On his exiting of the 'boardroom' (ahem), he turned and announced, "It's been brilliant" - cue tears from the heartless bee~atches left and the rest of the UK nation.

Aw, gosh Mickey...

Of course, I thought he was about to turn around and deliver a gag. Or burp. Now that would have been classic James. A real loss to the show for me but I've found with every series (yes, I said 'series' NOT 'season' - I'm old skool) the people in the final are usually tools. This time we've got a wonky gob and a wonky head beating each other off in the final. Can't wait (stifles yawn). I really hope Sr'Alan doesn't hire either of them. None of the contestants this year are worthy of a £10K job, let alone £100K. That would have been spunking money up the wall...*

I don't know which face is more horrific... (Actually I do)

Its sister show, THE APPRENTICE: YOU'RE FIRED, has also suffered this year from guest fatigue - too many returnees from previous years. Get new ones, the BEEB! Debra did manage, however, to seem like a real person and not a total C. When asked by Adrian "The Last Sontaran" Chiles, "Ever been conquered?" the minx replied, "Now and again" with a saucy look in her eye. My trousers told their own story.

Yay! Our weekly 'Lily Allen smokes a fag' shot

Speaking of telling their own story, I took a trip to the flicks and caught TERMINATOR SALVATION. You know how they go back in time in the first two films and try to stop/start stuff happening? I wish I could go back in time and tell a slightly younger me that my two hours would be better spent debating the pros and cons of Colin Baker. (As a sidenote, a friend of mine referred to the Trial of a Time Lord as the 'glory years' in comparison to New Who. I know! These people do exist. Anyway, parenthesis ends.)

I don't where to start with this outift. The jeans? The jacket? The badges?

Where the flip~flops was I... reads back... oh yeah! Christian "Everything's OK Man, We're All Friends Now. People In The Biz Understand. Now, Where's My Sis & Mum?" Bale has finally fallen off that tight wire of 'acting'. The Batman voice again??? It makes his onset rant risible in the extreme. Not as laughable, however, as some of the lines the poor lad had to puke out for nearly two hours. "I'll be back," was the not the worst offender though it did gain the most groans.

It's a new entry to SoTV - look forward to more like this purlease!

That honour went to Michael Ironside. I won't spoil it for you but those who remember V will recall his one~note performance. The script is the worst offender but this cast don't do it any favours, delivering lines like a teenager may try to sell you a cheeseburger. Plot? There's one in there somewhere. Beneath the plodding seriousness and dreadful camerawork there's a story there but whether or not you'll care is a different matter.

"I gave my lurve a cherry, it had no bones..."

'Til the next time,
C.

* © Copyright James McQuillan 2009

DAVEY T IS BACK!

2009-05-29T09:48:00.017+01:00

And he hasn't even gone.

Hold on, that's not him!

What am I gargling on about? DAVID "Where Are My Trousers?" TENNANT is reprising his role as Hamlet (along with the rest of the excellent cast) for television. BBC2 no less. A proper channel! You can read the story HERE but so far there's no date fixed though OLIVER "Ford" DAVIES did blab some time ago that they were filming in June. As regular blogites will know, I caught the production in Stratford~Upon~Avon last year and subsequently posted a review HERE. I actively encourage you to catch it when it screens, even if you think Shakespeare is a bit duff (which many do) - the production will make you forget who wrote it.

Knockers!

Elsewhere in 'real' life (something I don't like to normally 'talk' about but find I am increasingly recently), one of the short films I made was shown at a film symposium recently. It was a bit embarrassing (as I'm in it) to have it splattered across the big screen in front of 80/100 strong audience but incredibly flattering that RAUL "John Malkovich Is His Referee, No Really" RUIZ choose it (and introduced it beautifully) for viewing. It was the only 'student' film to be shown so my back was sore after all that patting. Anyway, self~indulgence over.

Yup, he really was on IDOL! Again!! (Poor Adam, sniff...)

TV is dying a bit these days. All the US shows have finished and all we've got in Blighty is THE APPRENTICE and that's purty much it. I've been watching ASHES TO ASHES which may surprise those of you who remember my slating of it last year (didn't last the full series) but I gave it another chance and am glad I did. The characters have become less of a parody with episodes concentrated on the narrative and intriguing ongoing backstory. Much less of her going on about everything in self~referencing, all too knowing way. FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS is on BBC FOUR, though as some of you know, I was watching US style (*coughs*). The latest episode in the UK was my fave, featuring a superb MAGNOLIA pastiche and the tit~tuggingly tittersome tune, I've Got Hurt Feelings. You can read my review of that episode HERE.

Eminem is not very good.

Movie~wise, not so much either. I caught NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (though I note with interest that its release title in the States is Night At The Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian - are we Brits too dumb to understand? Possibly.) and was foolish enough to adorn trousers to the event. Yup, I forgot that AMY "Be Still My Beating Heart" ADAMS was in it. Cam 0-1,534 Dry Cleaner. And, as usual, she's the best thing about it and worth seeing it for her alone. Some other stuff happens in it but if you've seen the first one then you'll not be surprised by its sequel. It's not terrible though the inclusion of Darth "The Guv'nor" Vader was horribly misjudged, coming off like a skit on kids TV. And I think that RICKY GERVAIS should perhaps keep his trap shut when it comes to criticising the state of the UK film industry and get back to making proper television.

There's no way she would fall for Ben Stiller. Is there...?

'Til the next time,
C.

Things People Shouldn't Say...

2009-05-27T14:28:00.017+01:00

Don't do this very often but here's a list!

...but first, some knockers!

Got the following in an email from my perennial faves They Might Be Giants (I should point out that I wasn't the only person who got this - I'm ain't special!). They compiled a list of things that people in the band aren't allowed to say on tour but I think the majority of it should be applied to life in general. Here it is:

too much information
off the hook
that’s what [s]he said
my bad
game changer
crackberry
that’s how we roll
I can’t work under these conditions
playing the (whatever) card
throw under the bus
drinking the kool-aid
LOL
phone tag
don’t go there
it’s all good
it is what it is
talk to the hand
think outside the box
off the reservation
oh no you didn’t
I threw up a little in my mouth
one hundred and ten percent
IMHO
no worries
jumped the shark
voted off the island
(anything) on acid
(anything) from hell
(anything) on steroids
literally (unless it’s actually used properly)

She's like Lily Allen on steroids, literally (see what I did there?)

I've done an interview with a reader of this very blog (will you be next?) though that's not what he's primarily known for. It's with Richard "That's What He Didn't Say" Starkings and you can find it HERE. We chat about his comic career, his new release Elephantmen Vol. 2: Fatal Diseases, Blade Runner (which we both lurve), Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds and some very exciting Doctor Who news...

I feel the phrase "I threw up a little in my mouth" is relevant here...

'Til the next time,
C.

Me On The Radio - May 22 [Last Show!]

2009-05-20T08:08:00.017+01:00

Another 'last' show?

S'allright Davey, I'm sure he'll be back...

Regulars on SoTV will know that my shows on ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO stopped recently due to University work. Well, now that Uni is over for the time being, I have the opportunity to do a show. Sadly, this is the last week that the station will be open (back after summer I'm assured) so there's only one more chance for The Cameron K McEwan Show. It takes place on Friday, 22nd May from 5-7pm and you can tune in HERE. Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

How comes there's no pics of Lily Allen in this post?

'Til the next time,
C.

It's not big and it's not clever..., it's Lily Allen!

PS. More congrats to the few more of you who found the 'secret' link in THIS post. Give yourself 10 gold stars and a big hug. I'm considering, after some comments, changing the design of this blog based on the 'secret' page. As always, your opinions are welcome though I very well may Cowell them. (Have I just invented a new expression?)

ABZ - Video Installation

2009-05-17T17:08:00.013+01:00

Yes, another advert!

My, how galleries have changed since I was a lad...

Regular blogites will remember THIS post where I blogged on 'bout my current video installation at the Aberdeen Art Gallery, but I felt one more announcement wouldn't hurt. The film on show is titled ABZ and has a running time of approximately 30 mins (there are seats in front of it!). There's a kind of synopsis pictured below - incidentally both pics come from colleague Si Stannard who also worked on the project with me - which partially describes its trouser~tightening 'beauty'. It is screened continuously on a loop everyday until the 25th May.

Banal??!! How dare they!

At the weekend I attended a 'colloquium' - The Tartan Lens - at that very gallery with some academics and 'art' types where some of my work was shown. My old chum Raúl Ruiz was there too so it was nice to catch up with him between his many film projects (he also gave me full marks for a film I did last year so I was eager to thank him). Running concurrently with the ABZ project was a website created for the course, it's called Vintage Paint.

Vintage Paint - taking knockers to a whole new level.

'Til the next time,
C.

PS. Well done to the ten, or so, of you (out of about 1,000 who have visited since) who found the 'secret link' in the last post. If you haven't found it, don't worry, you ain't missing much... or are you?

Did He Just Say "I Rode The Kitchen"?

2009-05-11T13:06:00.044+01:00

[Rewinds]... Yes, he did.

"They tried to make me eat a kebab but I said, no, no, no..."

Blimey, Come Dine With Me (yeah, so what - get over it!) has gone all trouser~tightening! The quote in the title is what one 'gentleman' *coughs* said in reference to his abilities in the kitchen - rather making a meal of it... *apologies* How, exactly, does one "ride" an entire room? (Well, I've done it once or twice but I was much younger...) Even more intriguing is how this 'human' (and I use the term quite wrongly) equates food preparation with lurve~making. Each to his/her own I guess. Next time I'm finished in the bathroom, I'm gonna say, "I rode the toilet." (Sounds like my first wife.)

Knockers! [Part 1]

I shan't do a 'catch up' on the telly for the past couple of months as it'll take too long (Quentin Tarantino - a mentor on Idol - whaa??) but I may well come back to Flight of the Conchords as it starts on BBC Four this week. That channel also hosted Newswipe with Charlie Brooker and as much as I enjoyed Screenwipe, this foray falls a little short. Charlie's views aren't wrong but they're not exactly new. We know the media is exploitative and increasingly opinion orientated with facts serving as some kind of ridiculous uncle who pops in every now and again but ultimately gets ignored. Michael Moore has been doing this schtick for years. But, of course, just because it has been said before does not mean it shouldn't again.

What did he say about Charlie Brooker? How dare he!

Similarly, I tired of people banging on about how 'funny' Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle was. Now, I am well aware that his style is part of his 'charm' and that repetition is his tool but is taking a shot at Chris Moyles the best he could do? That's hardly thoughtful. Slagging off celeb books? Come on. Any right~minded person can see that these things are odious and we don't need some Morrissey lookalike telling us so. Having said that, I did watch every week. Possibly for those two or three genuine larfs that sat amongst his pitiful teenage~style angst at the world. How I yearn for Histor's Eye...

Knockers! [Part 2]

During my time off from SoTV, I rarely ventured to the cinema but I did return last week and caught some gems. First up, MONSTERS vs ALIENS IN 3D. Surprisingly good with some top visuals, though it may appear I have a 'thing' for tall women. STAR TREK is back, in case you hadn't noticed, and purty good it was too. The Trek films have been non~events for the most part with only FIRST CONTACT being of any worth (I should add that it's bloody good to boot) and the mall screen series haven't really done it for me either (though there are some good episodes - notably, the ones with 'time' issues). When it was announced, way back, that time travel would take some part in the plot I took notice and set my trousers for stun.

Used to be a Star Wars fan, apparently.

And quite rightly too. Star Trek is a blast though I found, on closer inspection, that there were quite a few problems with it (though not enough to dampen my enthusiasm): Winona Ryder, for example - quite simply, why? She was as bad as her make~up job; the introductions to the major players were clumsy at best; Chekov and his accent became annoying very quickly; the camera 'work' (why are you trying to make it look realistic one moment and then cinematic the next? It don't work!); Spock meeting himself (gah~roan!); and there's more but I shall stop. It is a treat~dot~com and I look forward to the sequel which will probably be a reboot of this one where we get to meet the cast of Babylon 5 (my favourite of the Star Trek series*).

I wonder if there's an Other Stuff~On~TV?

Pick of the bunch (and probably the year though I don't want to prejudge) is CORALINE. I noted this one a while back when it was announced that my faves, They Might Be Giants, were doing the soundtrack. Sadly, there's only one of their songs left as the production went into a 'darker area', but it's a corker nonetheless. In fact, the soundtrack is remarkable as the direction and visuals. I don't use the word extraordinary much, but Coraline is extra~flippin'~ordinary. Truly a work of genius - treat~dot~com~forward~slash~brill~skills. I caught it in 3D and thoroughly recommend everyone does so. I saw it in a cinema full of noisy kids (mainly gurls it has to be said) but as soon as the film came on BAM! Silence. Do not miss.

Monkeybone reference on his feet?

'Til the next time,
C.

Classy, as ever Lily. Real classy.

* This, as I am sure you aware, is a joke but I have found, from past experiences, that there are idiots who sometimes come here that don't get 'humour' and decide to get all cranky in the comments section (if I publish them) - so I'm just 'clarifying' it. If you're still offended, I'm sorry for mentioning Babylon 5. I've never seen it as I missed Babylons 1-4 so I didn't think I would 'get' it.

For Those Of You In The 'Deen...

2009-05-09T15:46:00.011+01:00

... get along to the Art Gallery!

Yay! Cam's back - here's my knockers!

Why? Well blogites, as some of you may be aware (those of you who have been paying attention), I've been making films for the past year or so. My most recent one, ABZ (made with fellow students I hasten to add), has been selected for an installation in the Aberdeen Art Gallery. It's on a plasma screen no less so if you're passing, pop in and 'enjoy.' The piece is a half hour 'panoptic' look at Aberdeen so don't get too excited as it consists of thirty static one minute shots. Apparently that's what constitutes for art these days. Anyway, it's on now and will be for the next couple of weeks. You can read more about it HERE.

He likes toilet brushes, right?

The film was made for a course at Uni called Panoptic Digitital Visual Culture and we were also required to make a website for it too. Mine is called Vintage Paint (a pun on Vantage Point - gah~roan) and you can see it HERE - you'll find some fancy 'animated' pics in there (and lts more besides). Please bare in mind that it was designed with a specific remit, especially so when it comes to the various films you'll find on there. I would suggest you read any accompanying text to contextualise before watching.

If you're gonna slag off Cheryl Cole, don't give her ammo to fight back!

That's right I used the word 'contextualise', get over it! As I stated some time ago, my 'life' would be limiting my blog posts but the busyness is about to end and I'm happy to announce that I'll be back blogging next week. Lastly, please excuse the terribly self~indulgent nature of this post, I'll get back to slagging of The Winehouse (though she seems to be disgracing herself quite nicely without my involvement), moaning about the various f**k~nuckles on The Apprentice and crying about Daniel from Lost very soon.

Winelist lets one go in anticipation of SoTV's return...

'Til the next time,
C.

DOCTOR WHO IS BACK!!!

2009-04-11T00:34:00.021+01:00

Happy Easter indeed!

Bloody women drivers!

Before I go on about how bottom~achingly life~assuring it is to have Doctor Who back on telly, I'll just start by stating how weird it is hearing Noel "Mickey" Clarke narrating Doctor Who Confidential - nice touch! Also, before I continue, you can see the "Next Time" trailer for the second special, The Waters Of Mars, HERE. And so to Planet of the Dead, the first Easter special in the history of TV Who. Oh, hold on - SPOILER alert. If you haven't seen this episode then do not read on - you have been warned.

Davey T realises that, despite what some say, this is NOT the 200th story

As regular SoTV~ers know, I dispensed with wearing trousers whilst watching the world's greatest television show some time ago (thank you Cathy T!) and my dry~cleaner will be rueing that decision again as Michelle "She's Been To Hollywood, Don'tcha Know" Ryan skimps onto screen with what can only be called trouser~tightening alertness. Wasn't too sure about her, having seen Ryan in Bionic Woman (barely made it through one episode), Merlin (likewise) and Easties but the Rye~Rye (as I will now call her) does a sterling job here performing an almost Romana~esque role (a naughty one too!) as the 'companion.'

Now, where's Mos Eisley?

Tennant, as always, was never less than tops in a role that is gonna have grown men reaching for their hankies (not like that!) at the end of the year. Like The Next Doctor, he's bright whilst bringing warmth and great humour with every flick of his dreamy eyes *coughs*, I mean sonic... Moving on, Noma Dumezweni returned as Captain Magambo and her performance is a worthy addition to the role~call of UNIT characters though she has become much more fleshed out than the one we saw in last year's heartbreaking Turn Left (though was that really her? Erm, probably not.). The moment when she points a gun at Malcolm (more of him to come) was a little unsettling (and I don't mean that in any pejorative sense) and I did think, for a mo, that the little guy was gonna take a lad in the face. Sorry, that sounds a bit rude, I meant to say "load in the face"...

Now, this Georgia Moffett that people speak of...

Malcolm was played by Lee Evans and, whether you like him or not, that is undoubtedly a stone~cold fact. Still not too sure about his role but when he told The Doc that he loved him, well, I lurved him for that. Also featuring in the 'not sure' department' were the Tritovores. Like the beetle in the aforementioned Turn Left, their mandables did seem a bit plastic~y and their 'hands' (kind of like hooves) should have been hidden a bit more. Having said that, I found them hugely engaging and was genuinely miffed that they didn't make it back to Earth with the bus~gang.

Won't somebody please think of the children???

That bus. That brilliant bus that looked so flippin' good for the majority of the story but was rendered slightly redundant when CGI'd during the finale. A flying bus I can handle, but one that looked so poor? That I cannot handle. Likewise the flying beasties (whom I shall now rename "The Bighties") were not realised to the normal standard that I have become used to in Who. Disappointing - but, as with the Tritovores, this didn't impair my enjoyment (though the bus really irked me).

Damn, Cam says he doesn't like the flying bus!

The desert, however, looked supreme and the direction was cinematic in the extreme - top marks to James Strong. His work throughout made my brain tickle itself with joy. Similarly, RTD and Gareth Roberts delivered a most enjoyable and laughworthy script - "Happy Easter," in particular, made me titter with gurlish delight. It's also worth remarking that Planet of the Dead had a very different feel to it, though the triumphant (and, it has to be said, cheesy) ending was right out of the RTD handbook.

How come fly creatures have those ear~pieces?

So, all in, some real good moments and set pieces slightly spoiled by sub~standard CGI and a flying bus. I won't get into the 'science' of it (what's the point? He's flying in time and space in a wooden box for eff's sake!) but exactly why couldn't UNIT figure out a way to send something through the Star~Gate, sorry, I mean worm~hole (*coughs*) to get the bus through? Just asking. The big question is (for me anyway), will Rye~Rye be back? No objections from me, though Mrs Stuff~On~TV may have something to say about it...

My song is ending? Don't you know I'm joining The Proclaimers?

'Til the next time,
C.

PS. Click HERE for more reviews from Series 4

PLANET OF THE DEAD - It's Coming!

2009-04-01T17:23:00.011+01:00

Blimey!

Hold on, I'm only in one effin' episode? Didn't you see Bionic Woman?

You can see a trailer for the first of this year's Doctor Who "specials", Planet of the Dead, HERE. Be warned, if you are wearing trousers, you may want to discard them. It's on the BEEB tonight before The Apprentice (where do they find these people? is there a website? idiot_middle-management_fuckheads.com?) for those that like their treats slightly bigger. Here's some links to recent reviews:

DOCTOR WHO: Image of the Fendahl DVD Review
PINOCCHIO DVD Review

Not sure if it's Amy doing a Jagger or Mick doing a Winehouse...

As I said in my last post, there won't be much from me 'til the aforementioned event happens - April 11th @ 6.45pm, fact fans - due to Uni work. In more "real life" news (crikey Cam, two posts in a row when you mention your day~to~day activities? WTF??), I have been awarded a Scholarship to do an MLitt in Film & Visual Culture, starting later this year. That's purty big news and my back aches after all the patting its received since getting this news. Made of awesome? Could be.

Classy as ever!

'Til the next time,
C.

Me On The Radio - 24th March [Last show for a while]

2009-03-23T16:17:00.021Z

Last show??!!

She can't be performing The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway, can she??

Yup, for those who don't live within the student calendar, Easter is fast approaching so my shows on ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO will be taking a break after the next one on Tuesday, 24th March from 5-7pm. You can tune in HERE but if you miss the 'live' show you can catch the repeat on Wednesday at midnight 'til 2 (ie. Thursday 12-2am). Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

Something hard to swallow Jen? Owen Wilson's performance?

Regular blogites will be wondering about the lack of activity here on Stuff~On~TV, for which I do apologise. Uni work has kind of got in the way as I finish off making my third film. Sadly, after that there's some dissertation work to be done so there won't be much from me 'til the end of May. Though I will pop by during Easter to comment on how great the latest Doctor Who episode, Planet of the Dead, was. Having said that, The Apprentice is back (UK version, not the celeb~infested US version which has been back for some weeks now), so I may well feel the necessity to pop on and use what can only be referred to as 'language' as I describe each contestants hate~able elements.

Does that say SLAG on her wrist?

I shan't be watching it 'live' however. Loathe as I am to talk about actual real events in my life, this Wednesday I'm going for dinner with a proper filmmaker, David "That's right, check his films" Mackenzie. His last project, Hallam Foe, was a particular favourite of mine - and I said so HERE and HERE and even put it, along with his other biggie Young Adam, in a Scottish Films Top 10 HERE - so this is quite an event. Also, in film related news, I got a 20 (that's marked out of 20 for those of you desperate to be mean) for a practical film course I took with Raul Ruiz.

Yup, that's Jessica Alba holding her melons - stop being so childish!

In the meantime, why not befriend me (as some other lurvely people have) on FaceBook or even MySpace if you use such am early Noughties tool. If you're bored, here are some reviews done 'recently' for Den of Geek:

The Tripods Complete Series DVD Box Set
Doctor Who: "Attack of the Cybermen" DVD

If you haven't seen any telly for a while - this was the best thing on it.

'Til the next time,
C.

Me On The Radio - 10th March

2009-03-09T21:17:00.005Z

In the animal world, I think that's what's known as presenting...

I'm pleased to announce that I'll be doing my next ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO show on Tuesday, 10th March from 5-7pm. Tomorrow's show is very important as we will be celebrating my co~host's birthday by playing lots of tunes from 1985. You can tune in HERE every Tuesday at the same time but if you miss the 'live' show you can catch the repeats on Wednesday from 5-7am, 9-11am and midnight 'til 2 (ie. Thursday 12-2am). Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

The remake of E.T. finds its lead...

'Til the next time,
C.

SEINFELD IS BACK!

2009-03-06T17:55:00.010Z

Sort of...

Kramer as well? Really??

Jerry & Co. are reuniting on Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm - I better alert my dry~cleaner! Read the news HERE. Also, Jerry's doing a reality show! What's the deal with reality shows? Find out HERE and if you want to read a "humorous" look at more Seinfeld~esque reality shows, go HERE. All by me! Here's a round~up of some reviews I've been doing for DEN OF GEEK:

I.O.U.S.A - DVD Review
DOMINICK DUNNE: AFTER THE PARTY - DVD Review
THE UNWINKING GAZE - DVD Review
ZERO: AN INVESTIGATION INTO 9/11 - DVD Review

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS - Episode 16 Review
STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS - Episode 17/18 Review
STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS - Episode 19 Review

The jerk~store called...

'Til the next time,
C.

Me On The Radio - 3rd March

2009-03-02T00:33:00.006Z

Awwww....

See, different people can get along - take that society!

I'm pleased to announce that I'll be doing my next ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO show on Tuesday, 3rd March from 5-7pm. You can tune in HERE every Tuesday at the same time. Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

Vader's Angels

'Til the next time,
C.

"She's 16 & She Blew It Out The Box"

2009-02-27T22:14:00.067Z

Yowza! Now that takes real talent.

No, not her though I'm sure she's capable - insert Poker Face gag here.

It's a pity that the comment was actually about an American Idol contestant and not some durty boy~kisser (though the two aren't mutually exclusive). Usually we'd get "pitchy dawg" from Randy J but he seems to have dumped that catchphrase in favour of suggesting extraordinary feats from young gals like we witness in this post's title. This season has been poor and despite the producers best attempts to keep the crazies in, it's been dull too.

Did Paula just release an airborne toxic event?

Dull, yes but also a mite trouser~tightening. My dry~cleaner could send his kids to college and beyond on my thoughts alone about new host Kara DioGuardi. She can sing, she can write, she can present. Yeah, so what. Little Kara is lurvely and what's more, that little gal's got a sweet little brain~box too. Ok, I'll stop the rampant sexist condesencion. Anyway, she certainly makes up for Paula's incoherent pain~killer induced ramblings. And am I the only person referring to Danny Goeky as "Dead Wife Guy"?

Just like Lost, they're getting rid of all the good/interesting ones...

Elsewhere in TVLand, LOST threw up an amusing moment. Well, I say amusing but it was more of a coincidental moment for me and the other ten people currently taking the Digital Culture course at Uni where we have been discussing the panoptic vision and the Panopticon for the past few weeks. No, I agree, not particularly funny but when John Locke turned up in this week's episode with a new name, I chuckled in the way you only hear in art~house cinemas. You see, dear reader, Locke's new name was Jeremy Bentham. And who invented the Panopticon?

First, she kisses a girl and now she kisses herself. Make your mind up luv!

That's right, Jeremy Bentham. As I said not very (if at all) funny but it was a bit of a coincidence. Even more coincidental were the facts that Red Road was on BBC2 during the same week where we were discussing surveillance and CCTV (whilst also watching the film itself) and Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait was also screened on BBC4. In that 'film' 17 cameras followed the titular footballer around for 90 minutes whereas for our film projects we film the same area from 8 different perspectives. Yup, coincidence city. Or was it....?

For three years, I hid this award...

Yes, it probably was. Anyway if you're really interested or just effin' bored (as 64% of people online are) you can see my companion piece blog which features some video, discussion and pictures relevant to the course. It's called Vintage Paint - named after VANTAGE POINT which, incredibly, we had to watch in week one of the course. Eclectic is the word you're hunting for. *coughs* So bear in mind that it's really just meant for those on the course and my tutor if/when you look HERE.

Bono called me a what? Pot, kettle, black.

And so to movies. I was pretty busy catching up on all the OSCAR films before the ceremony but I caught them all. At the cinema I took in THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON which was quite a tale indeed. Way too long to be totally frank and the hospital scenes were unnecessary at best. And that bloody narration. I feel I should point out that I don't think any film should be narrated, especially when they're pointing out the bleedin' obvious as the Pittster was often doing. And that effin' hummingbird, sigh! Having said that, I found it most enjoyable with some spectacular shots and buttock~bashingly spot~on make~up/effects. Could have been so much better though. And did they think that people had either forgotten or simply not seen Forrest Gump?

"The beard, the hair, the grease - it's for a part right?"

Also at the flicks, I took in BOLT 3~D which was much better than I thought it would be (though that's hardly a recommendation) and I lurve that song, I Thought I'd Lost You. Sticking with the theatric experience, I finally saw SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. Now whilst I don't wish to piss on anyone's chips, as it were, regarding the feel~good nature of this movie (which personally it was not particularly for me) there were a number of problems I had with this feature. I did enjoy it but the change in tone from a boy being prosecuted and tortured, quite brutally, for possibly cheating in a television show (going out "live" remember, *coughs*) to the detectives then believing him, pretty quickly, and releasing him after realising what a bloody nice bloke he is, was patronising at best.

Sonic on the streets of Newport

But we buy into 'cos Boyle & Co. show that that's how the country operates. We go from stark reality to heightened reality and the cliched denouement didn't help either. If you haven't seen it move on now. Waits... So his brother decides to end his own life just at the point when the final question is asked? He changes his "bad" ways and helps the girl on that very night and then chooses death rather than escape? That's not a choice that most people would make. It's a lazy film trait, we're only ever given two choices when there's multiple present. It was Eighties Hollywood all over with the Indians sitting watching televisions all over the country. There's more but I haven't the inclination and it seems pointless as everyone is raving about Slumdog, in much the same way Mamma Mia! ran rampant last year.

The Hoff's just been told that Mickey Rourke is playing him in a biopic.

As I said, I did enjoy it but the more I thought about it the more all the various plot devices (different from the novel it has to be said) and film cliches got up my nose. Also irritating was Woody Allen's latest near~porn, VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA. A real non~event where nothing happens (not that there's anything wrong with that - you should see my films) but after it finishes, one is really left with an emptiness and no feeling or memory (of the film) at all. Apart from, of course, the bottom~strokingly kissworthy Penelope Cruz. A great performance and worth seeing for her alone. But I guess the OSCAR already said that.

Penny - boob~scratchingly good.

Lastly in the huge movie catch~up, there's THE WRESTLER and MILK. The former was a most enjoyable outing for Mickey Rourke (who's come in for a beating on this blog in the past year or so I have to admit) but was Marisa Tomei really worth a nomination? Hardly. Capable but not outstanding by any My Cousin Vinney~esque stretch of the imagination. An enthralling tale though I did slightly tire of the endless over the shoulder shots (and cranky movement) of the Rourke~ster. Yeah we get it - it's "real" life man.

She's back, more please!

Poor Mickey though, losing out to Sean "Nice Sermon Vicar" Penn. Likewise I enjoyed Milk though the script did wander into some rather Eighties youthful optimism: "Yeah, we can do it, we can beat the system! Huzzah!" with the cast in the background acting rather too celebratory and well meaning for my liking. I'll be utterly honest though, I didn't think it was a very engaging tale and the film should have, perhaps, been made in the Nineties - I mean, don't we all just get along now? Does anyone really care? It's hard to feel the passion when the fight has been won. Although, if you think the fight hasn't been won then you'll think it's apt.

I really should bring back the "CDW of the Week Award"

'Til the next time,
C.

The SLUMDOGS, Sorry, I mean The OSCARS 2009

2009-02-23T19:39:00.042Z

Poor Petey G.

New form of cock~blocking?

During the past week or so I've been catching up on all the major OSCAR movies so my opinion could be informed when I groaned and shouted at the telly when whoever I didn't like got up to win an award for a film I didn't care for. This year was slightly different from most as I liked all the main contenders (to varying degrees). Before I complain about the awards bestowed upon Slumdog (there I said it!), I'll waffle briefly about the ceremony itself.

Ladies, don't touch him - he's been with Madonna!

Just to clarify (and for those who don't follow my every moment on FaceBook), I stayed up to watch the OSCARS. First up was the red carpet on E! which threw up a surprise in the form of blog~favourite Peter Gabriel. What was most surprising was that not only did Petey G get interviewed (shocking enough in itself) but Ryan "Casey Kasem~lite" Seacrest actually knew who he was. What times we live in! The UK had the never~popular Fearne "The Abomination" Cotton who managed less than 10 seconds before Mrs Stuff~On~TV bellowed profanities at her.

I remember when people liked Ben Stiller.

Worse was to come from SKY but I won't go into the truly awful panel that discussed the events with no informed opinion at all and actually made me quite angry. Anyway, to the real thing. Hugh "An Aussie Richard Madeley Apparently" Jackman kicked off the ceremony with an astounding set~piece featuring "recession Hollywood." I can't remember being so joyously roused by the awards than I was at this very simple yet insanely clever song and dance number from the well equipped wolfman.

The Jackster - wasted in movies?

His style throughout was impeccable and his timing was well observed - full marks and a gold star to the Jackster. I really hope he gets to do again as his charm and respect give a satisfying flair to the proceedings. The producers should also be commended on the presentation of the actual awards and, in particular, the acting nods. Getting five actors each to praise the individual nominees was lurvely and gave a sense of what being nominated (let alone winning) means. Much better than some whorey old clip we've probably seen too many times already.

[Tannoy] Charisma for Mr Craig

The presenters did a fine job (though Daniel Craig seemed to have left his personality elsewhere on the night) and letting them present a number of awards added to the warm tone of the evening. I will single out Steve Martin and Tina Fey for a witty and well~timed skit. Likewise, Jack Black and Jennifer "Oh look, there's Brangelina Right In Front Of Me, Better Not Eff This Up" Aniston made an endearing and guffaw~inducing pair. Speechwise, it was a thankfully tear~free ceremony though Michael O’Connor, who won best "Costume Design" for The Duchess (don't get me started!), made me want to cry at his sheer lack of skills in what I would call "being a human with life." I doubt that will make the highlights.

Blimey, it's the trouser~friendly Amy Adams.

So to the winners. I was heartened that Penelope "Remember When She Used To Pump Tom Cruise?" Cruz won for her role in Vicky Christina Barcelona though I would have been equally happy had Amy "Rhumba, Snort!" Adams won. Kate Winslet was a worthy winner for The Reader, which I thought was execellent and could have had a few wins, but Streep was just as worthy for Doubt - another film that should have been honoured more. I will say that the aforementioned Adams and Frances McDormand deserved nods for their parts in Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day - an utterly sublime film that seemed to pass everyone by.

Nice flowers! Nice table~cloth!

Was Sean "Commie, Homo~lovin" Penn really the best man? Hhhmm, not sure. The male category was not nearly as strong as the females (for shame!) and, personally, I would have plumped for Mickey Rourke. If it was up to me (even though I think awards are incredibly reductive) I would have placed Heath Ledger in the main category as his Joker tore apart every other role; one of the few actors to truly lose themselves in their character this year. I would have liked to have seen Seymour "Phillip" Hoffman (nice one Arkin!) in the main category too, a spectacularly subtle performance in Doubt.

i sincerely hope that this 'look' is for a part.

I would also like to have seen Brendan Gleeson given a nom for In Bruges. Hell, and I can't believe I'm about to praise him, but even Colin Farrell was better than some of the nominees. And Bruges should have got the screenplay, not Milk. The latter, although good, was too formulaic and cheesey to be worthy of winning. Wall•E was a better script. Poor Wall•E. That's the film, for my money, that should have won all the 'big' awards. Truly awe~inspiring and brilliant in every way. But, as usual, the OSCARS don't agree with me. Bah!

He's French! He's Crazy! He's doing that gag again!

I won't go into every category but The Dark Knight should have received more and the achievements of Benjamin Button were worthy of more plaudits. Nice to see Man On Wire win and this highlighted the fact that it should have featured in the "Best Picture" category. As you may have guessed, I don't agree with the many awards that were lavished on Slumdog Millionaire. Yes, it was a good film but better than Frost/Nixon? Hardly. Better than The Reader or Doubt? No. Better than Wall•E? Definitely not.

Kung Fu Panda may get a sequel, but Wall•E gets my heart

So, what do the Yanks make of this year? Well, the ratings are up but what did they think of being beaten by the rest of the world 2-1? Heartening that the Academy is looking worldwide and odd that this year was so relatively mainstream. Certainly the predictability of the ceremony did not hinder the Jack~meister and his effervescent presentation. Oh yeah, he's not American either. What a world we live in.

Get ready for a special cuddle!

'Til the next time,
C.

"If You Want To Have Intercourse With That Woman, Find Out What Cologne Her Father Wore"

2009-02-18T11:25:00.025Z

Sah~Nap!

I was looking for a job and then I found a job but....

Television is an odd place. Between Come Dine With Me and Masterchef, in the middle of Coronation St and Eastenders and slightly to the left of Watchdog, lies an appearance by Morrissey on UK 'magazine' programme, The One Show. And not just an appearance, he was there for the whole flippin' half hour. Don't believe me? Go check it out on the iPlayer. It's an almost Frost/Nixon type battle between the Moz~man, Adrian "General Staal" Chiles and Christine "Servalan" Bleakley.

... heaven knows I'm completely grossed out now!

Elsewhere on 'real' telly, Michel Gondry directed the most recent episode of Flight Of The Conchords. Not an outrageously brilliant episode but there were his trademark visuals present and some more Aussie VS New Zealand antics going on. The week before there was a lurvely song from Mel that also featured some nut~huggingly beautiful visuals; as well as another nice crane shot (utilised in the first season).

Look at that guy's hairline! Jude Law in A.I. anyone?

For the first time ever I actually had to look away during an episode of The Office. Poor Michael had a meltdown when visiting another branch and Pam had to take over. Her presentation was more eye~flamingly cringeworthy than Mr Scott could ever manage; a real nice set piece from the ever trouser~tightening Jenna Fischer. Whilst that 'story' was taking place (ggrrrr, don't give me stories, I want larfs), Jim and Dwight teamed up on the party~planning group to great effect. More of those two together purlease.

The American version of Doctor Who begins filming...

And so to the show which delivered this post's title, The Big Bang Theory. It came from Leonard's mother and was referring to the 'hottie' (hhmmm, not quite) Penny. I was genuinely shocked to hear that kind of remark. Shocked but botty~slappingly amused. It was certainly an unpleasant idea but then again so is life, and we all seem to be getting on with that. Erm, where was I?

The Beard! The Ginge! The Blood! The Sweaty Chest!

Lost continues to give my dry~cleaners a reason to send his kids to college every week despite the return of the dullards (Mathew Fox and company). Though the 'revelation' that the French burd was Rousseau was about five minutes too late for some of us, the makers are ramping up the intrigue though it appears the time~traveling aspect is about to stop. Pah, I wanted to see the future! Sadly, one of the gang has gone (for the moment anyway).

No! They've got rid of one the good ones! Bah!!!

I say sadly 'cos she caused an arousal or two in my brainium, poor Charlotte. Don't get rid of the good ones! Char was at least interesting and, at best, worthy of a special cuddle. And poor little Daniel, who is proving (as I stated last year when he first appeared) that he is the real star of the show along with dreamy future Doctor Who contender, Desmond. Anyway, more bloody noses = more good times!

Trouser alert!

Film~wise, I caught the return of Stuff~On~TV favourite Amy Adams in Doubt. Man, that was a good film. The performances from the Streepster and the Hoff~man (not to mention little Amy!) were mesmerising and it's a pity that PSH found himself in the Supporting Actors category at the OSCARS as he deserves a better nod than that for such a highly complex, yet utterly engaging role. Top, top work from all concerned. From top to bottom now with Rachel Getting Married.

"Of course you'll find a husband..."

Incredibly, this has received OSCAR attention for Hathaway's performance. Yes, she's good but it's all too affected to be real. Yes, she's an annoying spoilt brat but I find her annoying in most films. I should point out that I couldn't make it past the first half hour with this piece or 'work' so maybe she got better; maybe I'm being a but harsh but I can think of a number of performances that were much better than hers in the past year. Ultimately she won't win the award, it'll be Winslet or Streep.

Nice trousers! Oh, hold on you aren't wearing any, just a shirt - skank!

Another OSCAR contender, and rightly so, was Angeline Jolie in Changeling. A fascinating and gorgeous movie that also disgusts in equal measures; mainly because it's based on a true story. It's a frustrating watch however and feels incredibly disjointed with some narrative jumps and one too many 'endings'. The script also could have been polished a tad, relying frequently on cliche or the performance to gloss over its inadequacies. A cracking watch, however, that could have been tidied up into a modern great to rank alongside LA Confidential; a work which evokes immensely.

I had heard that Joaquin Phoenix went a bit mad...

Finally a huge thank you to those of you who have popped over to Real World Remixed to hear my version of Games Without Frontiers by Peter Gabriel. You don't have to register to listen but you do if you want to rate it or leave a comment. It can be heard HERE or you can use the embedded player below.

'Til the next time,
C.

I REMIX, THEREFORE I AM!

2009-02-16T16:05:00.009Z

Not another Petey G story!

Yup, over on the Real World website (the record company Peter Gabriel created) there's a remix thang going on and I've submitted my take on his 1980 hit, Games Without Frontiers. There's a chart so I am obviously keen to be top of something that's meaningless - my life in a nutshell! You can find it on the Real World website HERE but it's also embedded below - best heard through speakers (or headphones) to be honest. If you want to compare it to the original, you can hear that HERE.

'Til the next time,
C.

Happy Blog~Day!

2009-02-15T14:27:00.006Z

3 Years old today!

She's wondering what happened to the weekly CDW contest...

Crikey, I've been doing this for three years. What started off as a project for a Uni course (long since finished) has become a kind of an addiction. For those interested, and I have no reason to think you should be, you can read my first ever post HERE. Be warned, there's little of the trouser~tightening excitement you get these days on Stuff~On~TV.

Time & Reflective Surfaces In A Museum - TARSIAM!

My next ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO show will be on Tuesday, Feb 17th from 5-7pm. You can tune in HERE and, at the moment, this will be my regular 'slot' from now on. Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

"Oooh, Miss Jones" it's Rising Damp - the remake!

'Til the next time,
C.

Friday The 13th - Petey G Strikes!

2009-02-13T11:58:00.007Z

Didn't see this one coming!

She's the new Sinead O' Connor! *coughs*

Acting as a sequel to my last post about Peter Gabriel, THIS story comes tumbling in about my favourite ex~Genesis frontman (not that the competition is great). Petey G has pulled out the bloody OSCARS! If you remember, I described my trouser~related excitement at the prospect of his performance of Down To Earth from last year's best film, Wall•E at the ceremony. Now he won't be there, bah! Friday the 13th indeed. Harumph.

In the old days, English rock stars exchanged cat statues.

'Til the next time,
C.

Don't Forget 'Bout Petey G!

2009-02-09T14:38:00.008Z

He won too you know!

The new panel of American Idol takes shape...

What the eff am I garbling about? Today the news has been agog with the BAFTAs (well done Mickey Smith!) and the Grammys, focusing on the Brits. Now I don't want to take anything away from the Planster, Adele or, heaven forbid, Coldplay but there was another Brit winner Stateside too. Stand up Peter Gabriel!

I lurved his Christian Bale impression...

Petey G received two awards for his work on the film that should be getting all the 'proper' awards, Wall•E. Yet nobody's going on about that! Pah, I say! Winning one award is worth a mention let alone two. Anyway, I just wanted to share my lurve for the man and I am already preparing the disposal of my trousers in anticipation of his performance of Down To Earth at the OSCARS.

Incredibly, that's Harry Hill!

Lastly, another reminder that I'll be doing my next ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO show on Tuesday, Feb 10th from 5-7pm. You can tune in from anywhere in the world HERE and, at the moment, it looks like this will be my regular 'slot.' Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

Fag hags!

'Til the next time,
C.

Me On The Radio - 10th Feb

2009-02-07T23:22:00.007Z

What, again?

Don't worry Amy, I won't play any Duffy or Adele.

I'm pleased to announce that I'll be doing my next ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO show on Tuesday, Feb 10th from 5-7pm. You can tune in HERE and, at the moment, it looks like this will be my regular 'slot.' Remember, you can also catch up on some old shows HERE whilst you can download them from iTunes HERE. Use the subscribe button for minimal future effort!

I can only imagine what Fry's Twitter for this meeting was...

'Til the next time,
C.

"You Coulda Said Something Nice About My Profiteroles"

2009-02-05T10:45:00.052Z

I got hurt feelings...

X~rated shadowing on the crotch, apparently.

Full marks, a "see me after class" and a great big cuddle to the latest episode of FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS. Number three of Season Two provided so many larfs, rendering my pants quite redundant. Where to start? I've been slightly cool on Jermaine and Bret in the past, whilst always amusing, I never found them bottom~huggingly high~larious. Until now.

"I’m not gonna wear a ladies’ wetsuit - I’m a man!"

Mainly thanks to the song I Got Hurt Feelings. This is the first time I have audibly cackled with delight at one of their songs, the first time I have really laughed hard at one of their tunes. Any song that rhymes "asshole" with "casserole" and then slam~dunks it with "profiteroles" is worthy of a mention here on Stuff~On~TV. Chuck in the couplet:

Were you ever called “homo” ‘cuz at school you took drama?

Have you ever been told that you look like a llama?;

and you've got yourself a good time.

"The day after my birthday is NOT my birthday mum!"

But there's more. We get a reprise of the song in the form of one of the best movie pastiches I've ever seen. During the second take of I Got Hurt Feelings we are presented with a Magnolia~esque montage, displaying the characters in all their woe (or hurt feelings). The song is even changed appropriately to evoke Aimee Mann. Utter genius. Elsewhere in the episode you'll find Alan "Name Three Shows He Hasn't Been In, Go On Try!" Dale popping up and some excellent Mel action.

Apparently Missy Elliot is not very good..

So, whilst I may not be a total convert, if the rest of the season keeps to this episode's high standards then I may well be. Alan Dale also turned up in LOST which provided some more juicy time~traveling action as well as some much needed Desmond and Daniel action. Thankfully much of the original "main" cast were not present, allowing for some top interaction between "interesting" people. And I wonder when that bomb will go off?

The Beard! The Mullet! The Comb~Over! Big~Balls Dan has it all.

THE OFFICE got a special place in the US schedules, playing after the Super Bowl on a Sunday as opposed to its normal Thursday night. They really went overboard (literally) on this hour special with the most gag~filled pre~titles ever. Yes, it was totally ridiculous and incredibly unbelievable but, scrim my nim~jim, it was effin' funny. Dwight's fire "safety" test was tops and the rest of the episode continued with the farcical, resulting in a cring~inducing "roast" of Michael Skarn, I mean Scott.

The 'Beard'! The Mullet! The Glaikit Stare! Big~Balls Bloom has it 'all'.

But, I am beginning to wonder if the show has its course. Still ball~stabbingly funny but the ideas are thinning out and Pam & Jim have too many serious moments for my liking. Having said that, I still lurve it and my favourite moment came when Andy referred to the aforementioned couple as "M'laday" and "M'tuna" - brill skills! Not so "brill", if I may use such an awful word, was the film HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS & ALIENATE PEOPLE. In fact, it was so bad that I stopped watching halfway through. I really enjoyed the book but this piece of "work" is not worth the energy to continues this sen-

Slurp it down bee~atch!

Also poor, in my catching up of last year, was GHOST TOWN. Not as bad as the Simon Pegg abortion, as I managed to make it to the end (though I was tooling about the house doing other work), but it's still a stinker. Gervais has a cheek complaining about British movies; Son Of Rambow had more larfs (not to mention charm) in its opening five minutes than the entirety of Ghost Town. Faring slightly better was GET SMART. But not much better. Maybe it's because I have a soft spot for Carrell, maybe it's because I have a not~so soft spot for Hathaway or maybe it was the cameo from Patrick "Putty" Warburton at the end which made me giggle like a tool. Who knows?

The long~awaited sequel to THE HOLIDAY takes an interesting twist...

In the 'good' film section, also from 2008 (though some got it in 2007), was PERSEPOLIS. Man, that's a film! I won't go into great detail but if you like film (or, dare I say, "movies") in any way then you should try and catch this film. My words cannot do it justice. My words, however, can do justice to the melodrama of REVOLUTIONARY ROAD. Although Sam "Lucky Bastid, Hitting That Every Night!" Mendes does a fine job, with a beautiful evocation of the era and setting, and the cast are terrific, for me it comes off as an cinematic Eastenders. What do I mean?

Why isn't he kissing her Globes?

It's just too "shouty" and emotional and I will refer viewers to LOOK BACK IN ANGER which is basically the same story and themes but done much better - mainly down ot the script. Another problem I have are Leo and Kate. Fine performances but the problem is that I know I am watching DiCaprio and Winslet - you can't disengage from their 'real' personas. Any time she got physical in a trouser~tightening way I kept wondering what her hubby would think - and that's not a good thing. I shouldn't be thinking about the artifice of the film, I should be lost within the diegesis, but I wasn't.

Guess who? Winehouse is back!

Top marks to Michael Shannon who has quite rightly received on OSCAR nod for his chilling yet extremely amusing role. Road is draining but for most of the time I just wanted to give them a slap - we've all got problems you know! Also at the cinema, but less problematic (well, if you discount actual factual events), is FROST/NIXON. Firstly, Michael "Doesn't Like Fictional Characters" Sheen is superb. So tit~tuttingly accurate in his portrayal that I was genuinely lost in his performance, suckered in like some country~fried rube who'd never seen a film before.

Lily Allen - never knowingly offending Christians

Likewise, Frank Langella got me in a big way. And that's real acting, fooling the audience. It matters not that they are playing 'real' people (though they're not - they're media based versions of actual human beings), Sheen and Langella have solidly disavowed themsleves in the roles. they inhabit so perfectly Howard does a fine job though he should have trimmed the story a bit and Sam "Better Than Mark Wing~Davey?" Rockwell, despite being immensely watchable, is always Sam Rockwell. The final scenes of the interview are done with great style and its predictability dissipates as you root for each 'punch' from Frost.

The Styler! The Beard! The Rock(well)! This pic has it all and less!

'Til the next time,
C.

Me On The Radio - 6th Feb

2009-02-04T22:26:00.006Z

Yowzaa!

After the festive break, ABERDEEN STUDENT RADIO is back up and broadcasting, and I'm please to announce that I'll be on tomorrow: Friday, Feb 6 from 5-7pm. You can tune in HERE. At the moment my regular schedule has not been confirmed. Elsewhere, I've been doing some more reviews and shiz for DEN OF GEEK, here are some links:

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS EPISODE 15 REVIEW
MORRISSEY AT THE MOVIES
TAKEN DVD REVIEW
THE BIG BANG THEORY SEASON 1 DVD REVIEW

'Til the next time,
C.